Monday, August 31, 2009

Driving Miss Daisy


For a while my mom has referred to giving rides to my youngest sister Theresa as “driving Miss Daisy.” As hard as it is for me to wrap my mind around it, “Miss Daisy” is about to
get her driver’s license and last week got her first car. She’s going into her senior year of high school and will turn eighteen this Halloween.
    
The cute pudgy baby who I loved taking care of has grown up. I marveled over her baby pictures when going through a bag of old photos this afternoon. She was such an adorable little girl. Some things haven’t changed. She still loves to dress up, listen to music, and dance. She continues to come out with interesting ways of looking at the world and makes me laugh.
    
Until today, I’d never experienced riding while Theresa drove. I’d ridden in the backseat with her and read her books when she was a toddler. Over the years, I’ve driven her to school, dance classes, friends’ houses, and later, to work, parties, and formal restaurants. It felt strange waiting for her to unlock the car, watch her adjust the seat, and check the mirrors.
    
We both fumbled with the windshield wipers.  She’d never had to use them before, and I’d never seen anything like the ways hers work. After determining that having the rear wipers on full speed and the front ones on another hyperactive setting would be distracting and unnecessary when it was only drizzling, we figured out how to slow them down, and braced ourselves for the rather ominous task of backing out of Mom’s driveway.
    
The ditch on one side of my mom’s driveway has caught more than one of our friends’ cars over the years. One time, it took them two or three tow trucks to pull one car out because of the way it got lodged in there.
    
I was very pleased we made it out onto the street with just a few adjustments. She used her turn signals and went slower than the speed limit, which was fine with me. I calmly gave her advice about driving and mentioned any little things that might help her pass her last road test this Wednesday.
    
After we went out to lunch, I offered to help her practice parking in the mall lot. She worried about it looking strange if people saw us driving around to different spaces. I told her it would attract significantly more attention if she were to hit a car in the parking lot at school because she hadn’t gotten enough parking practice. She agreed, and thus began the lesson.
    
She picked a pretty large area without any cars in it. I’d select a parking spot and try to guide her on how to steer into it without hitting the cars we pretended were around it. Though she did hit a few of my made-up Ferraris, BMWs, and some poor imaginary pedestrian, she generally did a good job of judging distances and following instructions.
    
Next I asked her to pick a spot along the back by a row of trees and back into it. She chose a spot in front of a wide tree as her goal, but when she started turning the wheel, she ended up in the next place over. I shook my head sadly and told her she’d just crushed a BMW convertible.
    
Theresa worried that Sue, the name she’s given her white Subaru Forrester, was grumbling about making the hard turns required to slip into tight spots. I assured her that Sue was, in fact, geared up for the adventure, excited she’s got four-wheel drive.
    
We worked some more on when to turn, and I showed her by opening my car door each time how much room she had between her car and the white line, reminding her that unless a Hummer or enormous SUV was parked next to her, she’d also have a little room on their side of the white line when pulling in to get the right angle.
   
She did a great job driving.  I had a feeling she would or I never would have offered to take her out.  It was a neat bonding experience to have my sister looking to me for guidance again, wanting to know when to turn, and where to go. Sometimes I’ve missed that aspect of our relationship as she’s become so independent in her adolescence. Having her turn to me for encouragement and direction, even just for a couple hours while behind the wheel of her new car, reminded me how great it can feel to be a big sister.
    
I love you, Miss Reesa Lynn, always have and always will.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Presence and Absence

The tension between absence and presence has been with me all summer. A sermon given by Fr. Michael Renninger helped me identify these two forces had been bringing up files from my random access memory, uploading related emotions, and allowing them center stage on the me-tube screen.   In his sermon, Fr. Renninger talked about how a favorite soup his grandfather made could bring back so many memories of the man. He discussed the ways holidays changed, because his Pop wasn’t there shooing people out of the kitchen before he added the secret ingredient to his special soup. He was aware of an absence and a presence during family gatherings. His presence in their memories and in what he left behind was there, but a sense of absence could also be felt.
       
I could identify with his message right away. A food linking me to my dad’s mom who we called Nana came to mind: her extra creamy, super-smooth mashed potatoes. Nana passed away when I was eleven, but I have been reminded of her presence in many ways though she’s been physically absent from my life for a number of years.
        
Fr. Renninger told this story of loved ones lost to lead us to the absence and presence of Christ at Mass. We listen to Scripture readings about Christ’s life and remember who He was while aware that He is still with us. When we celebrate the Liturgy of the Eucharist, He is again physically present in Body and Blood, though not in the exact same form and appearance the disciples knew when He walked with them.
        
Since my dad James Lester Niermeyer passed away on August 10, 2009, I have felt his absence and presence. I can’t dial his number to check in and see how he’s doing, ask if he needs anything. He’s not there sitting in his favorite La-Z-Boy chair watching TV when I go over to his apartment. His oxygen machine is silent. The phone doesn’t ring. The TV is dark…
        
Yet I sense he is with me. I remember coming over to get his grocery list, knowing that he’d time me to see how long it would take me to finish his shopping, just like he used to time how long it would take my sister and I to do everything on the playground when we were little. I can smile when I see his oxygen machine off, his medicine on the counter, his cane in the corner, knowing he never wanted to depend on them anyway.
       
When I called to tell my cousin Mary Zeko that my father had passed, she made a comment that lifted my spirits. She said her dad, my uncle Bob, who passed away August 22, 2008 and my dad were up in Heaven whooping it up. I could feel my dad’s presence as much as his absence when she mentioned that. I can picture Uncle Bob and my dad causing whatever sort of trouble you can get away with in Heaven. I’m sure they’re making Nana and Pa laugh.
        
I take great comfort in thinking of the four of them together. My dad’s really missed his brother this past year and has been missing his parents for many years. For the first time in quite a while, I think of all of them, not knowing the whole of their lives, just some of the pieces, but knowing they’re still with us, wanting to be remembered, helping us see the love they gave and give us now.
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