The Story of My Life Summed Up in One Photo

For much of my life, I have had people close to me who are the die-hard, rose colored glasses wearing, Pollyanna brand of optimists.  They are usually extroverts, promoters, in some kind of denial about an aspect of their lives, often involving mental or physical health and basic safety. Some of these individuals have been prone to delusions of grandeur.  A number of them are considered great salespeople.

I have found it difficult, bordering on impossible to get through to someone who is proclaiming from the rooftops that: EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! when things are actually a dangerous, chaotic disaster waiting to or already in the process of happening.

It's difficult to get through to someone who does not want to hear or see that anything is amiss.  The first step towards recovery is admitting that you have a problem. 

I have spoken up about and/or intervened in several different situations and circumstances involving everything from abuse, addiction, alcoholism, anorexia, neglect, academic and developmental concerns, mistreatment of the elderly in nursing homes and rehabilitation centers, to special needs neighbors who live alone when they are no longer safely able to do so.

In the above photo, the magnetic alphabet letters on the board below the sign form the essence of the message from me to the powers that be: HELP CRAZYTOWN QUIK

Whether speaking to parents, counselors, social workers, neighbors, employers, nurses, doctors, co-workers, family members, friends, public health and safety professionals, or law enforcement agencies, I have always felt it necessary to say something when someone's life, health, and/or basic safety are in jeopardy.  The younger, older, sicker, and/or more disabled the victim, the more likely I am to say something.

This is a question I have often grappled with and may continue to do so throughout my life: When is it my legal, moral, and/or ethical responsibility to speak up and when do I have the right to remain silent?

I've done all I can reasonably do for now, so it's time for the serenity prayer:

Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And How to Reverse It)

I found Toxic Charity to be a very thought-provoking look at how churches and charities tend to harm rather than empower people who are struggling.  Some of the points Robert D. Lupton makes I've read elsewhere, but Toxic Charity is the first book I've come across in which the problem of giving people handouts rather than a hand up is explored in such depth and with so many practical suggestions for affecting change. 

Drawing from his 40 years of experience as an urban activist, Lupton illustrates how helping the poor means more than giving donations in order to affect lasting change and interdependence rather than ongoing dependency.  He isn’t afraid to ask the tough questions about models of ministry in his book Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And How to Reverse It).  

Getting to the Nitty-Gritty of Charity

Who is really benefitting—those being served or those doing the serving?  Are others being educated and empowered to do for themselves, or are they learning to depend on others for manpower, funding, and outside assistance to do what members of their own communities are perfectly capable of doing on their own?

How Long Do You Keep Pushing?

I can think of a very easy-to-explain analogy for this.  Young children on swings at the playground may very well be too short to get into the swing themselves and need help.  When first learning to swing, they can’t reach the ground on their own, so they need a push.  Even before their feet can reach the ground, we can start teaching them how to pump their legs to keep the momentum going.  Giving them a push and perhaps assisting them getting on the swing are entry-point types of assistance they can’t do on their own, yet.  Teaching them how to pump their legs is the developmental aspect of the learning process that fosters independence.  They learn that they have much greater control when they can keep themselves moving even if no one is there pushing them. 

If we simply push them on the swings without showing them how to pump their legs—feet up when you go forward and down when you go back—then they will only keep moving as long as we are standing there pushing them. 

The same is true of helping others. They may need an initial boost to get started and some instruction, resources, and encouragement, but ultimately the goal should be greater self-sufficiency rather than utter dependency.  People will be a lot more invested in a project they’ve identified as being necessary and have had input, investment financially and/or have given in terms of their talents and time than they would a project that doesn’t meet a real need or solve an ongoing problem that has to be addressed in their community to affect positive change.

The following questions author and urban activist Robert D. Lupton raises  regarding charity also apply to our relationships with those we serve in ministry: 

1. Are we giving people what they need to survive in a crisis beyond the time of crisis when they can and should be doing for themselves?  

2. Do we provide disaster relief or relief that ends up becoming disastrous to community leadership, personal dignity, and a strong work ethic?  

3. Are we facilitating change or enabling unhealthy dependence?  

4. Is there a measure of accountability in the program?  

5. How are needs and wants determined, researched, defined, and met?    

To find out more about Toxic Charity or to get your own copy of the book, click here.

A Special God Is Love Message, Graphic, and Prayer for Valentine's Day

While flowers, chocolates, a romantic dinner out, some new scented lotion, jewelry, a day at a spa, or a gift certificate for a massage can all be tokens of love, the real measure of love is what someone is willing to give up or sacrifice in order to do what is ultimately best for you in mind, body, and/or spirit.

God humbled Himself by becoming a helpless little baby.  Jesus came into our world and gave all He had in body, mind, and spirit out of love for us.  We have the freedom to refuse love or get confused that love is synonymous with a gift bought from a store.  The Truth is that we were created by God out of love.  We are made to give and receive love.

Questions to Consider: 

How is God trying to reach you with His love?  Will you accept it or return to sender?

What are three ways you can demonstrate genuine love for God?

My Prayer: Lord, open our hearts and minds to the love You wish to shower upon us, have instilled in us, and want to see us pass along to everyone we meet.  Give courage, comfort, and consolation to those who are mourning the loss of loved ones, who are feeling unloved or unlovable, who in any way doubt Your unconditional love for them.  

My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.

I put off reading My Stroke of Insight for a while thinking I wouldn’t like it as much as the other more religious books I’ve read for SDI, but it is awesome how scientific, enthusiastic, joy-filled, and hope-filled it is.  Our brains and bodies are truly amazing creations of God.  

This woman's story is a powerful testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. The power of love, gentleness, compassion, and determination can bring about healing, hope, and wholeness.  I’ve read that we usually only use about 10% of our brains during our lives. (I wonder if my brain looks different because of how many books, articles, and things I read.)

This woman’s spirit and energy very easily come through her writing, attitude, honesty, and vulnerability.  It’s encouraging how she was able to experience a painful, difficult time through the eyes of a scientist as well as a fragile human being.

I could relate to her struggle to overcome challenges that she thought and felt shouldn’t be as much of a project for her to do, but which had become something she had to work up to after her stroke.  I can get so frustrated with myself if I don’t understand something right away or can’t do it properly.  I can’t imagine having to learn to do everything all over again, including walk and talk.   

I wonder what people most often assume or think about me based on my writing, photography, and artwork.  I think of Bishop Robert Barron’s advice to lead with beauty and goodness.  I’m not sure how well I do that in my daily life, but there’s always room for improvement.  I’m encouraged that such tremendous transformation and healing can occur.  

We need people who know and love us, who believe in us, and will go to bat for us when others would prefer to give up on us.  Reading this book made me think of a local Cursillista's story and recovery as well as another friend of mine who suffered significant brain damage when she was in a car accident several years ago.  It’s remarkable how God opens up areas of understanding, wisdom, intuition, and connectivity when we need them. 

I highly recommend reading My Stroke of Insight.  If you're short on time or need additional inspiration to read this true story, check out Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's TED talk here:

Pope Francis Encyclical letter On Care for Our Common Home LAUDATO SI'

I grossly underestimated the beauty of Pope Francis’s vision of love and care for nature as a reflection of God’s creation and the unity all of us share.  I heard about this encyclical letter a while back, but I didn't rush to read it, thinking it wouldn't be as interesting, enlightening, or as edifying to me as some of his other writing due mainly to the subject matter being the environment.  

The writing is beautiful, harmonious, thought-provoking, and challenging.  Pope Francis speaks of how treating other people and our earth with dignity and respect are part of acknowledging the goodness in God’s creation and the harmony intended to exist among us. 

The pope explained why he chose the name Francis.  Like St. Francis of Assisi, our current pope wholeheartedly believes that protecting and holding other people as well as our planet as sacred, we are best able to sense God’s presence, glorify, and praise Him. He is intimately aware of the connection among all living things as being representative of God’s love.  

I was drawn in by the wisdom and passion of the argument that our vision for the future must take into consideration generations yet to come who will also inhabit this planet and who are likely to learn from their parents, grandparents, and ancestors what their relationship with our planet and all who live on it should be. 

Are we being as conscientious and careful about our consumption of natural resources and material goods as we could be?  

I know I still have a very long way to go in that area.  Suddenly the fact that Kevin and I recycle cardboard, paper, most glass and plastic containers and reuse grocery bags seems a drop in the bucket compared to what we could be doing.  And yet, those things are a start in the right direction and are good habits we have formed in an attempt to be kinder to our planet. 

There are so many opportunities to grow in this area, just like in so many others.  The first step is a deeper awareness of the decisions we make and how they affect the lives of others as well as how they impact our environment.  From that place of reflection and consideration, we will likely have our hearts and minds opened to additional things we could do or refrain from doing in order to preserve our planet. 

Lord, thank You for the gift of nature You have given us.  Help us to treat all humanity and nature with the dignity and respect it deserves.  

Are You Ready for Lent?

In some ways, I feel as though Kevin and I have already been going through an arduous period of time in the desert.  Thinking and praying about what to do or give up for Lent once again last night, I was hard-pressed to come up with anything other than doing our best to get through each day and not give up. 

What can two people who have already been stripped down to the bare minimum and left with little to offer each other or others do or give up?  Then it dawned on me, I can observe this Lent by offering a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for all of God’s blessings.  When work is stressful, health challenges abound, and a form of survival mode is how my husband and I are able to keep functioning, then slowing down enough to express glory and appreciation to the Lord would be a good way to help prepare our hearts and minds for the three holiest days of the year: the Easter Triduum.

An excerpt about Lent I wrote four years ago that still remains true:

If I think about spending 40 days focused on how sinful and selfish I am, then I’m likely to get depressed.  If I focus on how amazing the Lord is— how incredibly loving, merciful, and compassionate our God is—that He would give us His only Son as expiation for our sins, then I’m likely to be hopeful.  I’m likely to submit more fully to the Lord’s Will in all areas of my life.  I’m likely to invite God in my heart and mind to remove the lies and replace them with His infinite Truth. To read the rest of the reflection, check out this link. 

A Few Great Books to Read during and/or about Lent:

A Lenten Journey with Jesus Christ and St. Thomas Aquinas by Fr. Paul Jerome Keller

Rediscover Lent by Matthew Kelly

Preparation for Total Consecration by St. Louis de Montfort

Top 40 Signs You Aren't Above Being Ghetto

1. You’ve met several of your neighbors outside with lights flashing and sirens blaring. 
2. You can’t be 100% sure that the red smeared on the side door is ketchup.
3. At least one vehicle in your parking lot has a club attached to the steering wheel.
4. Someone stole two tires from your neighbor’s car while it was parked next to the building.
5. You put duct tape on the bottom of your front door to seal it.
6. You cover your secondhand sofa with bedsheets, towels, and/or a combination of the two to cover the gaping holes in the upholstery.
7. You honk your car horn to let someone know you’ve arrived to pick them up.
8. You open a window and shout at your neighbors to pipe down.
9. Most of your furniture has come from friends and family (without any form of payment exchanging hands).
10. You go “shopping” for furniture left by the dumpster.
11. Your mattress and box springs are directly on the floor.
12. More than one set of window blinds has been broken beyond repair at a time. 
13. You have resorted to putting one side of a large cardboard box in the bedroom window to block the street light out.
14. You peruse the giveaway/discard pile in the hallway and have found several items to add to your cupboards.
15. A white plastic outdoor table and chair set has served as your dining room table.
16. There are circumstances under which you deem it acceptable to hitch a ride from a total stranger in a questionable part of town because you feel reasonably secure once you’ve seen that there are no bodies in the trunk.
17. Cab drivers are afraid to pick you up at the location where you are when you call or where you will be going, so they insist on picking you up at a different place or dropping you off short of your intended destination.
18. You have a printer that’s wireless, but a laptop that has to stay plugged in.
19. You like to brag about how much junk you can fit in your car’s trunk.
20. Loud music with more bass than treble has been known to blast through your walls.
21. Packages delivered to your third-floor apartment have been stolen.
22. Your building is so old not all of the outlets are grounded.
23. You’ve resorted to doing several loads of laundry at a friend or family member’s house.
24. It smells like a disposal blew chunks whenever your neighbor runs his dishwasher.
25. You regularly borrow movies from friends with wide selections rather than renting movies through Redbox, Netflix, etc.
    
    
26. Your big screen TV stopped working, and you left it where it was for months because you couldn’t afford to replace it.
27. You actually get excited about clothes shopping at Goodwill.
28. Your pajamas never match, and you wear them outside of your apartment to do chores such as: get the mail, take the trash out, and do the laundry. 
29. You have walked into a home goods store and said out loud near the customer service desk: “Those are too big to fit in our drawers” when you see a display of silverware trays.
30. You’ve brought your own store-bought cake to the restaurant where you’re having your birthday dinner.
31. You’ll wear a brand new pair of pants or a sweater without washing it first and are not offended by the term “picking tags.”
32. You wear clothes that are two or more sizes too big for you.
33. There isn’t a straight doorframe in your place.
34. You still own and use a VHS player.
35. A neighbor wearing an oven mitt on each hand has come to the door to ask for assistance in getting a bat out of her apartment.
36. More leaks were found after the roof was fixed than before.
37. The building’s two “cleaning” people sweep the hall and stairway carpets with tattered brooms once a week but never vacuum.
38. In your mind, changing the shower curtain is synonymous with redecorating the bathroom.
39. You are willing to eat soup directly from a pan to reduce the number of dirty dishes you will have to wash by hand.
40. You turn in a school homework assignment on the back of a used envelope.

If you have anything to add to this list or that you think should be removed from it, please share your thoughts in the comments below.