1. You go without eating any solid foods for 36+ hours, drink the prescription equivalent of human Drano plus all the clear liquids you can manage, then have a colonoscopy two days before you leave.
2. The most important and popular photos you have to show people were taken of your internal organs.
3. You meet a surgeon for the very first time who may or may not be cutting you open in a couple days and get a lengthy lesson in anatomy that nearly makes you late for your second pre-op appointment.
4. The second surgeon is scheduled to be on standby for another patient’s surgery at the same time he’s been asked to be on-call for yours.
5. Miralax, Dulcolax, Gatorade, and Hibiclens are the first purchases you make when you get into town.
6. Your rental car is a Nissan Versa instead of a Shelby GT.
7. You remove the little nail polish that’s left on your toes and forego the mani/pedi since there’s no color allowed where you’re going.
8. You have a list of doctors’ offices and a hospital to go to but not a single local hot spot or touristy destination on your itinerary.
9. A young child sitting in the row behind you on the plane excitedly tells anyone who will listen where she and her family are heading, and you’d much rather catch their connecting flight than your own.
10. Your spouse pitches a royal fit when finding out your revised return date is a day later than originally anticipated.