Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Sifting, Sorting, Scrounging, Saving, and Searching

This is the desk where I tend to put things
I'm organizing.  It's rarely the spot where I sit
and accomplish things.
As I'm sifting, sorting through, and searching for things to keep, give away, recycle, repurpose, or throw out, I came across one of many single subject spiral notebooks I've written in.  I read what I wrote last summer, and many of the questions, nudges, and fears are still the same.  I think I am making progress while continuing to reflect on challenges that seem to stay with me even when I do grow at least a little.  

Here's an excerpt from a journal entry I jotted down in July 2014:

In what ways is God inviting me to live a little more courageously in order to spread the Good News?  Be better about dedicated time for prayer and study.  Share more openly, when led to do so, through notes, letters, blog posts, and journal entries about what I’m learning, thinking, feeling, experiencing, and perceiving is going on in and around me. 

Lord, I am still struggling to have a proper, healthy and appropriate love of myself.  I think of the young boy at Mass at the Pastoral Center yesterday playing innocently, seizing the moment to remove his shoes, smile at others, hang on his mom, and reach out his hand to the woman sitting on the other side of him. 

I didn’t doubt then or now the Lord’s love for that young boy.  Maybe he wasn’t focused on the Readings or even facing the right way for the Eucharistic prayers, but he was present and truly alive, which is often more than can be said for most of us. 

Lord, I don’t understand how You can possibly love me completely and unconditionally, especially when I don’t merit it and definitely can’t earn it, but help me to accept Your love and mercy even though I don’t understand it, for that is the only way I will be a good  vessel for You and to others. 

Looking back and being honest now, I'm still working on all of these things.  I'm also still able to appreciate what great spiritual directors children can be.  They are often much better at living in the present moment than I am on my own.  
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