Not Practically Perfect in Any Way

As with any vocation: the single life, marriage, religious life, diaconate, priesthood, parenting, taking care of children, the sick, the elderly, the poor…it can seem monumental when we grasp even part of the responsibility and accountability attached. 

     
When most aware of my sinfulness, many faults and flaws, and the mistakes I’ve made (and often continue to make), I shudder to think that others are looking to me and learning from what I do and say.  

Children are little sponges, soaking up all the words, actions, gestures, and feelings around them.  It’s a huge responsibility to take care of them and really nurture them. 
     
It’s also a monumental task to guide others in the faith, or more accurately, to walk with them on the journey, take care of them, and really nurture them.  It can be a daunting undertaking knowing all along that we have much to learn from them, perhaps more than they’ll learn from us. 
     
I’ve gotten into the most trouble when I have distanced myself from others, feeling like my experiences, outlook on life, or the fact that I haven’t succumbed to some of the temptations that they’ve submitted to makes me somehow more advanced spiritually, closer to God, and/or in a better place to judge or admonish others. 
     
It’s far too easy to write others off as not as advanced or experienced in this or that.  What’s much more challenging (and more Christian) is to discover their strengths and learn from them.  Encouraging them to grow in areas of weakness can often be done best by sharing our own pitfalls and failings as proof that we’re all works-in-progress. 
    
Just like couples aren’t going to have all of their issues worked out before they get married, and parents aren’t going to be perfect role models when their kids are born, there are many things we’re called to do that God prepares us for ahead of time and then gives us the grace to accept the on-the-job training necessary to live out the vocations to which He’s called us. 
     
Sometimes, we have to look back at where we were in order to appreciate more fully where we are now.  In many circumstances, it will be our previous experiences with sorrows, hurts, losses, and dissatisfaction that will allow us to be truly present and compassionate to others who are going through (or feeling) something similar. 
     
We will be the most effective if we move forward cognizant of our failures and weaknesses, especially when we see the inadequacies of others and are tempted to judge them or look down on them.  “There, but for the grace of God, go I” is a great quote to keep in mind.  We don’t know another person’s situation completely, and we don’t know what we would do if we were in his/her place. 
     
Each one of us is broken.  Every single person has things in his/her past that he/she isn’t proud of.  We all are weak, are tempted, sin, and are in need of forgiveness and the Lord’s mercy.  When we distance ourselves from others, then it’s much harder for us to feel their pain, so we aren’t as motivated to try to alleviate it. 
    
It can be quite risky to be open up and be honest with others that we’re not anywhere close to being like Mary Poppins: “practically perfect in every way.” Only by the grace of God and the salvation offered to us by Jesus Christ will we even have a chance at eternal life. 
     
Each and every one of us is called to be holy, to live by the Gospel, to love others in the sacrificial, self-giving, compassionate way that Christ does.  Throughout the Bible, we are shown how those who place their trust in the Lord instead of themselves and other men are the ones who God works through in the most amazing, miraculous ways. 
     
Some of the people in our lives could very well still have the mindset that heavy drinking, doing drugs, watching porn, shirking responsibility, neglecting prayer…isn’t going to hinder them from having a good, meaningful life which leads us to eternal life with God. 
     
It could be said that our ability to influence others is directly proportional to our humility, honesty, and vulnerability with others.  If people think we’re perfect and have even part of our life totally figured out and completely under control, then they’re much less like to discuss things with us than if they sometimes see us rundown, worn out, angry, sad, or disappointed.  Others want to be healed, and some can be by what we are able to offer them if we allow God to move freely in and through us. 
     
If ever we think that we’re the only one who has ever felt a certain way, then we’re wrong.  The more we let down our guard around others, especially with those whom God has shown us we can trust and open up with, the more likely we’ll be to see how similar our struggles really are even though the specific details and outside circumstances might be vastly different. 
     
We all are made to love and be loved.  We all long to be wanted, accepted, affirmed.  We want people who will really listen and be present with us.  We want to know that we’re not alone in what we’re thinking, feeling, struggling with, rejoicing over, questioning, discerning...  We want to make a difference in the world and make things better for others.  We need to feel that we’re part of something much bigger than ourselves and know that our existence has a much greater, longer-lasting, eternally significant purpose than we can see at present.    
     
I’ve often said that I’m too selfish and sinful to make marriage work.  It’s true; the only way I ever would have agreed to this vocation was knowing that’s what God was calling me to and had placed in my heart, so I could be sure that regardless of my insecurities and shortcomings, He would give us what we needed to make it work.  I know that only through the grace of God can I even attempt to share every aspect of my life with my husband and glorify Him through the gift, covenant, and sacrament of our marriage.  I’ll never be perfect in any way, but the closer I draw to God, the closer I will be to the Source of Love and to Kevin. 
     
Could it be said of us that on our own we are too self-centered and sinful to fill the role of being Christ to others?  Is there any one of us that needs Christ’s saving grace and limitless mercy any less than the next person? 
     
If I look at what’s happening around me and my inability to change, fix, or heal it, I get discouraged, frustrated, and angry.  If I look to the Lord, and rest in His ability to take care of everything, then I am inspired, loving, and peaceful. 
     
I realize that so often much of what I write are things I need to be reminded of, take to heart, and do a better job of living out.  We’re all in this together with God’s help.

Sorting Things Out

    I had a weekend that I feel should have filled me with joy, as I got to spend time with a number of my favorite people who are both loving and uplifting, but instead I felt like crying through much of it. 
     On Friday, I went over to Mom’s and was sorting through things alone again.  I worked my butt off, got through a number of boxes from the attic, and recycled tons of old papers, set aside school supplies to give to a friend who knows a program that could really use them, and put some things in a pile that I want to bring home.  I know I may end up sorting through the things I’ve brought home again, but I’d rather have the chance to do that than have everything be thrown into huge black garbage bags and taken to the dump.  This has been a very painful, emotional process. 
     One thing that’s quite overwhelming about all of this is being reminded how many periods in my life when I’ve felt isolated, alone, and as if no one in my family could or even tried to listen to me, understand what I was feeling, or what I was going through.  I spent so very long covering up the darkness and depression that I lived in. 
     Only when I couldn’t take another thing going wrong would the stress come out.  After I’d spent half an hour talking about things that were really inconsequential, then crying for half an hour so hard I couldn’t speak, I’d finally be able to talk with my mom about what was really troubling me. 
     I keep reminding myself that all of this sorting, saying goodbye to the family home, etc. could be a whole lot worse.  I could be sorting through everything from my mom’s house to throw it away after it was ruined in a fire, flood, or some natural disaster.  (FYI, I’ve made a point of praying for all who have lost their homes to fire, flood, or a natural disaster knowing that would be much more devastating and overwhelming.)    
     The trouble is it doesn’t help me feel better to know that things could be even more depressing and seemingly insurmountable. There’s not much progress made when I get angry and frustrated with myself because I’m feeling sad, lonely, depressed, sorrowful…even when I am fully aware that others are suffering in really significant ways.   
     I have lots to be grateful for.  That’s not really the issue.  The problem is more that I have spent so much of my life trying to cover up my emotions that I need to be reminded that it’s okay to feel whatever I’m feeling without beating myself up about it.  I touched on this subject in a post I wrote a while back entitled Living the Lie that Everything’s Fine, but I’ve been thrust back into this place of tension lately whenever I feel down but think that I shouldn’t be.     
     We had a number of plans to spend time with people we care about this past weekend.  I felt that I should have been joy-filled and happy all weekend since this was the case.  I became frustrated with myself when I wasn’t Mary Poppins’ with a cheery disposition and practically perfect in all ways. 
     It’s no fun to feel sad, anxious, depressed, sorrowful, or disappointed, but I’ve learned it’s better just to let myself experience those emotions rather than berate myself for having them in the first place. 
     In accepting how I’m feeling (even if I don’t like it) then I’m being more open and honest.  When I stop trying to be (or wish that I were) a non-feeling, completely objective robot, then I’m more likely to discover what’s driving the negative feelings and come up with some possible solutions or practical actions I can take towards remedying those hurts.  I am more likely to be compassionate to those around me who are also carrying hurts or crosses of their own. 
     Lord, help me become a better vessel for your love, compassion, and understanding by accepting my emotions and those of others as opportunities to grow closer to You and others. 

The Catholics Next Door: Adventures in Imperfect Living

The Catholics Next Door: Adventures in Imperfect Living is a wonderfully candid, intimate, honest, and, at times, hilarious look at a Catholic couple’s efforts to live out their vocations as children of God, spouses, and parents of five in ways that uphold their faith and desire to glorify God. 

     
The foreword by Fr. Roderick Vonhögen, CEO, Star Quest Production Network paints a great picture of life with the Willits starting with the scene the first time he met them in person.  I’ll give you a hint, it was on the front porch of their home and it involved lightsabers.  

     
Greg and Jennifer Willits don’t claim to have things all figured out—not in any area of their lives—but they do know that putting God first and their marriage second are the two essential ingredients to make them good parents and good people. 

     

Through their experience as a married couple raising children while keeping the faith, they are credible sources for entertaining stories and essential guidelines for growing closer to the Lord and drawing others nearer to Him.  This dynamic duo hosts the radio program The Catholics Next Door and have founded New Evangelizers, Rosary Army, and That Catholic Show, among other apostolates.   

     

It works really well in this book to have Greg and Jennifer go back and forth writing views from their own perspectives regarding everything from learning about the Catholic faith to living it out in all areas of their lives. 

     

This couple doesn’t hold back.  They are vulnerable and humble enough to share their major mishaps and current struggles in their faith journey which are likely to reassure and inspire others who are fairly certain the neighbors (and maybe even their family) think they’ve lost their minds. 

      

They even give some great suggestions and guides for using and monitoring media in your household so that parents and their children are seeing, listening to, and entertained by media that upholds the Catholic faith and wholesome values. I really love that they included this section and talked about how getting on the right track meant that Greg and Jennifer needed to go through their music, movies, and podcast collections first and clean out things that erode faith and family values. 

     

This couple does a great job discussing the trials and triumphs of committing to put God first, and how that can be done by an imperfect people still in need of growth, transformation, and most of all a heaping helping of grace.

     

This review was written as part of the Catholic book reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on The CatholicsNext Door. The Catholic Company is a great resource for tools to help you participate in the Year of Faith, including Year of Faith bible studies and exclusive Year of Faith personalized gifts. The Catholic Company also has all your Advent needs in stock, such as Advent calendars and Advent wreaths.

Ever feel like giving up?

    I have.  Years ago, in the not-too-distant-past, and even today I’ve questioned God’s greater purpose for my life.  Here’s what I came across at precisely the right time this evening. 

    If you have ever felt lost, alone, lonely, or like giving up…

Then watch this video

 

Read the excerpt from this soon-to-be-released book (click on link below)

Unstoppable: The Incredible Power of Faith in Action

 

Then listen to this song (click on link below)

"Something More"

 

Now, if you can find it in your heart, thank the Lord for loving you right where you are and for having a purpose for your life even when the darkness of the valley and the stream of tears have led you dangerously close to despair.  Hold on!  God’s not finished with you yet.

 

Don’t Despair: God + you= Unstoppable!

Times of Transition, Loneliness, Being Honest, Forging True Friendships

I originally wrote most of this in a letter to encourage and support a friend going through a major life transition, knowing that these are many of the lessons I’ve needed to be reminded of during each significant move or change in my own life.  

     
I know it’s hard to do, but when you’re missing aspects of the life you used to lead, it’s fine to tell someone back home that, however, it will help you get settled and can be a tremendous grace when you share what you’re thinking and feeling with someone who’s there with you.  Chances are many are feeling the same way or have other things they’re missing that they’d be more likely to share if they knew they weren’t the only ones getting used to things being so different there from what they’re used to. 
     
It’s always been hard for me to open up emotionally, but there have been people throughout my life the Lord has given me who I can be more myself with than I can with most people.  Obviously, my husband Kevin’s one of those people for me, but there have been a select group of others as well. 
     
Your getting settled and making new friends there will involve letting your guard down sometimes.  I’ve often found that if I’m willing to be honest and vulnerable that it makes others feel more comfortable doing the same.  You will need friends there you can really talk with.
      
Forging close friendships where you are will make the difference in you feeling settled and that will be an integral part of your growth and experience of God and the Body of Christ.
     
God loves you without “the mask” or suit of armor, and so do many other people. With that in mind, accept the gifts of courage and humility to be honest if someone who genuinely wants to know asks how you’re doing.  It’s okay to tell someone you trust and see yourself being friends with that you feel a bit overwhelmed, frustrated, lonely, miss your family…
     
Yet again, I know all of this is easier said than done.  Often, I still have to force myself to let people closest to me know what I’m thinking and feeling for fear that I’ll be judged, rejected, criticized or even abandoned.  It’s often a struggle in new situations, but it’s worth the effort.  We need people around us who know us well and love us anyway.  It’s a gift to be able to form relationships with others around our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses, but it’s most rewarding when we can be our true selves and let others be their true selves, especially when both people want God at the center of their lives.      
     
I know that others will come to love you dearly when they get to know who you are.  This is an important time to expand your lovelines family.  You’re not the only one missing home.  You’re not the only one who has felt they have to be “on” all the time. 
     
There are people who have come to love you so much because they know you so well.  Give others the chance to get to know you and make the effort to get to know some other people on a deeper level. 
     
Also remember that the first few weeks, even the first few months, you’re adjusting to a number of things, meeting lots of new people, and getting into a lifestyle and schedule that are vastly different from what you’re used to.  It’s normal to feel overwhelmed.  This is a huge transition.  Give yourself time to get adjusted, but in the meantime, be honest with yourself, God, and a few trusted friends when you’re not feeling comfortable or that you’ve gotten into your new groove yet. 
  
Lord, give us the courage to be vulnerable with others, especially when it will help us be better vessels of your love, compassion, comfort, encouragement, support, and peace.  Amen.

Here's a follow-up post to this one since it seemed to hit home with so many readers: Not Practically Perfect in Any Way.