Why Can’t You Just Be Grateful?

That’s a very good question!  One I have struggled with quite a bit.  When someone (usually my husband) asks me this very same thing, I feel even more overwhelmed, frustrated, and discouraged that I can never seem to just do it: be grateful without any other sentiments muddying the waters. 

  
Kevin has developed an uncanny ability to speak out loud what I most fear and am worried about. When he does this, I often feel that he’s also asking what’s wrong with you and why can’t you figure this thing out.  Part of the issue is that I have a tendency to think others are upset with me and/or blaming me for whatever problems exist even when they are simply stating the issue or conflict is there. 

  
As you can imagine, my response to Kevin pinpointing what’s bothering me and even the implications of inquiring as to why I haven’t made sense of it, yet, more often makes me exasperated than grateful that someone gets what I’m fretting over.    

So Many Blessings

I know I have a number of blessings for which to be grateful.  I think of them and thank God for them regularly.  I’m usually pretty good about saying thank you to people.  For example, I always thank Kevin each and every time he does the grocery shopping, makes dinner, does the laundry, washes the dishes, or does any of the daily grind sorts of tasks.  He thanks me each time for taking care of the same sort of necessary chores. 

 
A while ago I wrote a post called Cop an Attitude of Gratitude because appreciation is so important and powerful.  When I hear, see, and read about the devastation in the Philippines and/or the poverty nearby, I feel embarrassed that I am ever anything but grateful.  The question returns to me time and again: why can’t you just be grateful for having clean water, food, shelter, clothes, people who love you and whom you love, faith in God, and a desire to do His Will…?  There’s a part of me that says if I feel any longing, sense of something missing, sorrow or loss, that I’m being an ungrateful wretch when I have so much that others are literally dying because they’re without.

Running on Empty

I’m reminded of the last few years of my dad’s life, when his health declined rapidly.  Suddenly, he needed help with things.  It got to the point at which it was too exhausting for him to do his own grocery shopping, so I’d usually take care of it.  Just walking around his little apartment, he’d get out of breath, though, he wore oxygen all the time. 

Sometimes when I’d come home feeling tired after running errands for him, I felt guilty.  I wanted to feel only privileged and grateful to have that time with him and be able to do things for him he could no longer take care of himself, but I couldn’t always manage to keep that attitude of gratitude.

  
When worn down and exhausted from other things Kevin and I were dealing with in addition to having two family members in hospice at the same time, I would get bogged down by all that I wasn’t doing or ways I was lacking.  It’s so easy to focus on the negatives when fatigue sets in.  Other days, I would rejoice and be glad for blessings I had often taken for granted: the ability to breathe without difficulty, to walk, run errands, help those suffering to smile and laugh, and affirm the Presence of God in others.

We're Only Human

Maybe it just means that we’re still human when we feel hurt, pain, and sorrow mixed in with our gratitude and/or perhaps it indicates that we aren’t as close to the Lord as we could be.  I don’t know.  I know some very strong, courageous, grateful people who have felt discouraged, downtrodden, and frustrated.  What if it’s not an either/or but a both/and?   We can be both grateful for what we do have and still have a tug in our heart for an area of our lives that is missing, lost, or painful. 

  
Longings and hopes can often be part of God nudging us towards other blessings He wants to give us or make more obvious in our lives.  It actually makes sense that we continue to want more in this life, because we aren’t really whole and one with God until we enter into eternal life.  There’s a big difference between greed and an awareness from the Holy Spirit of an area in our lives where we aren’t fulfilled.  Part of gratitude, I believe, is being generous with what we have.  No matter what happens, we always have something to offer others, even when we feel that we are at our lowest and most useless.  Fortunately, God can and often does work in and through people who are certain they have nothing left to give. 

Thank God in Advance

A dear family friend of ours from Kenya who came here with her children many years ago is one person who really impressed upon me the importance of thanking God in advance for what we have asked Him to do in our lives. 

I admire a faith so strong and sure of the Lord it hopes when it seems all reason for hope has gone.  I still marvel at the ways the Lord has walked in and through this powerful prayer warrior to demonstrate that hope in Jesus Christ is never a mistake.  Nothing is impossible with God.  Nothing at all.

     
In the midst of the deepest desires and most fervent longings God places on our hearts and guides us to work and hope for, we can be grateful for the prayers, blessings, and graces He gives us this day.  Though knowing we are lacking, we can share what we do have with open arms and hearts, confident that the Lord loves and rewards a cheerful giver.

Sorting Things Out

    I had a weekend that I feel should have filled me with joy, as I got to spend time with a number of my favorite people who are both loving and uplifting, but instead I felt like crying through much of it. 
     On Friday, I went over to Mom’s and was sorting through things alone again.  I worked my butt off, got through a number of boxes from the attic, and recycled tons of old papers, set aside school supplies to give to a friend who knows a program that could really use them, and put some things in a pile that I want to bring home.  I know I may end up sorting through the things I’ve brought home again, but I’d rather have the chance to do that than have everything be thrown into huge black garbage bags and taken to the dump.  This has been a very painful, emotional process. 
     One thing that’s quite overwhelming about all of this is being reminded how many periods in my life when I’ve felt isolated, alone, and as if no one in my family could or even tried to listen to me, understand what I was feeling, or what I was going through.  I spent so very long covering up the darkness and depression that I lived in. 
     Only when I couldn’t take another thing going wrong would the stress come out.  After I’d spent half an hour talking about things that were really inconsequential, then crying for half an hour so hard I couldn’t speak, I’d finally be able to talk with my mom about what was really troubling me. 
     I keep reminding myself that all of this sorting, saying goodbye to the family home, etc. could be a whole lot worse.  I could be sorting through everything from my mom’s house to throw it away after it was ruined in a fire, flood, or some natural disaster.  (FYI, I’ve made a point of praying for all who have lost their homes to fire, flood, or a natural disaster knowing that would be much more devastating and overwhelming.)    
     The trouble is it doesn’t help me feel better to know that things could be even more depressing and seemingly insurmountable. There’s not much progress made when I get angry and frustrated with myself because I’m feeling sad, lonely, depressed, sorrowful…even when I am fully aware that others are suffering in really significant ways.   
     I have lots to be grateful for.  That’s not really the issue.  The problem is more that I have spent so much of my life trying to cover up my emotions that I need to be reminded that it’s okay to feel whatever I’m feeling without beating myself up about it.  I touched on this subject in a post I wrote a while back entitled Living the Lie that Everything’s Fine, but I’ve been thrust back into this place of tension lately whenever I feel down but think that I shouldn’t be.     
     We had a number of plans to spend time with people we care about this past weekend.  I felt that I should have been joy-filled and happy all weekend since this was the case.  I became frustrated with myself when I wasn’t Mary Poppins’ with a cheery disposition and practically perfect in all ways. 
     It’s no fun to feel sad, anxious, depressed, sorrowful, or disappointed, but I’ve learned it’s better just to let myself experience those emotions rather than berate myself for having them in the first place. 
     In accepting how I’m feeling (even if I don’t like it) then I’m being more open and honest.  When I stop trying to be (or wish that I were) a non-feeling, completely objective robot, then I’m more likely to discover what’s driving the negative feelings and come up with some possible solutions or practical actions I can take towards remedying those hurts.  I am more likely to be compassionate to those around me who are also carrying hurts or crosses of their own. 
     Lord, help me become a better vessel for your love, compassion, and understanding by accepting my emotions and those of others as opportunities to grow closer to You and others. 

Times of Transition, Loneliness, Being Honest, Forging True Friendships

I originally wrote most of this in a letter to encourage and support a friend going through a major life transition, knowing that these are many of the lessons I’ve needed to be reminded of during each significant move or change in my own life.  

     
I know it’s hard to do, but when you’re missing aspects of the life you used to lead, it’s fine to tell someone back home that, however, it will help you get settled and can be a tremendous grace when you share what you’re thinking and feeling with someone who’s there with you.  Chances are many are feeling the same way or have other things they’re missing that they’d be more likely to share if they knew they weren’t the only ones getting used to things being so different there from what they’re used to. 
     
It’s always been hard for me to open up emotionally, but there have been people throughout my life the Lord has given me who I can be more myself with than I can with most people.  Obviously, my husband Kevin’s one of those people for me, but there have been a select group of others as well. 
     
Your getting settled and making new friends there will involve letting your guard down sometimes.  I’ve often found that if I’m willing to be honest and vulnerable that it makes others feel more comfortable doing the same.  You will need friends there you can really talk with.
      
Forging close friendships where you are will make the difference in you feeling settled and that will be an integral part of your growth and experience of God and the Body of Christ.
     
God loves you without “the mask” or suit of armor, and so do many other people. With that in mind, accept the gifts of courage and humility to be honest if someone who genuinely wants to know asks how you’re doing.  It’s okay to tell someone you trust and see yourself being friends with that you feel a bit overwhelmed, frustrated, lonely, miss your family…
     
Yet again, I know all of this is easier said than done.  Often, I still have to force myself to let people closest to me know what I’m thinking and feeling for fear that I’ll be judged, rejected, criticized or even abandoned.  It’s often a struggle in new situations, but it’s worth the effort.  We need people around us who know us well and love us anyway.  It’s a gift to be able to form relationships with others around our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses, but it’s most rewarding when we can be our true selves and let others be their true selves, especially when both people want God at the center of their lives.      
     
I know that others will come to love you dearly when they get to know who you are.  This is an important time to expand your lovelines family.  You’re not the only one missing home.  You’re not the only one who has felt they have to be “on” all the time. 
     
There are people who have come to love you so much because they know you so well.  Give others the chance to get to know you and make the effort to get to know some other people on a deeper level. 
     
Also remember that the first few weeks, even the first few months, you’re adjusting to a number of things, meeting lots of new people, and getting into a lifestyle and schedule that are vastly different from what you’re used to.  It’s normal to feel overwhelmed.  This is a huge transition.  Give yourself time to get adjusted, but in the meantime, be honest with yourself, God, and a few trusted friends when you’re not feeling comfortable or that you’ve gotten into your new groove yet. 
  
Lord, give us the courage to be vulnerable with others, especially when it will help us be better vessels of your love, compassion, comfort, encouragement, support, and peace.  Amen.

Here's a follow-up post to this one since it seemed to hit home with so many readers: Not Practically Perfect in Any Way.

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 63)

-1-

An instant knowing  Last Friday, Kevin and I attended the wake of Dr. Martha (Marty) Muguira, a friend’s mother who had a very rough battle with cancer.  The evening and anticipation of it brought back a lot of memories for me as the funeral home was the very one where I with my dad and uncles at the age of eleven to give my nana one last kiss goodbye.  When I went in the room where we got to say our final goodbyes before she was cremated, as per her wishes, I knew immediately that she wasn’t there.  I was absolutely certain that her spirit, her soul, what made her my favorite person in the world was no longer in her body.  At the age of twenty-seven, I went into the same funeral home with my mom to say one last goodbye to my dad before he was cremated.  Again, upon entering the room, I knew in an instant that he was no longer there.  Just the shell, his body was left, but that he was no longer in it, that his spirit and soul still existed, though outside of their earthly physical form. 

-2-

A Heavy Heart The anniversary of my father’s death was August 10 and his funeral was August 15, the Feast of the Assumption, so of course I would have been thinking about him anyway, but having reminders of the few years before he died and the hours leading up to his last breath, were that much more poignant and frequent over this past week. Kevin and I have both wondered what are we here for in the grand scheme of things, and it’s scary and depressing to think that my dad died at the age of 54, something none of us would have predicted. 

-3-

A Strong Will to Live In thinking about my nana, my dad, my uncle Bob, Kevin's parents, and in hearing and reading about our friend Chris’s mother, Marty Muguira, I have seen and heard about people who have faced tremendous suffering in body, mind, and spirit, and yet who have fought hard to keep going.  I wonder about the timing of things, why some people live a seemingly short time and others live so much longer.  My grandmother has survived and thrived though she had the same life-threatening cancer that Chris’s mother died from.  She’s alive at 88, and still has a very strong will to live.  She’s a woman of faith and hopes to join loved ones passed in heaven ultimately, but she hasn’t given up despite unbelievable obstacles.  After being told she only had a number of days to live, she later was kicked out of hospice, because whenever the nurses went to visit her she was off playing cards or on a field trip, watching a movie, or something, so they figured she was no longer as sick as she had been.  She’s a miracle, but seeing her lately, I know that her body and mind are winding down even if her spirit is not giving up, and her will to live is as strong as ever.

-4-

We’re in the bulletin! A dear friend of mine who is a professional actress and director as well as an aspiring Carmelite nun has written and will be performing a truly moving original play at St. Benedict's in the church Sanctuary at 3:00pm this Sunday and at 7:00pm on Monday called Teresita. She wrote and is performing this play in order to raise the funds to pay off her debt from getting her Masters in Divinity, so she can enter Carmelite Sisters by the Sea in Carmel, California, a cloistered community who has already accepted her as a postulant.  No reservations or tickets are needed.  Admission is free and open to all. A love offering will be taken up.

     This review I wrote of the play is featured in St. Benedict’s bulletin this week…This original one-act play written and performed by playwright, actress, and director Michele Morris is one you won’t want to miss! Read the whole review and get more info here.

-5-

What did you just say?! A snippet of recent conversation with our friend Michele Morris over some really yummy ice cream.  The actress unplugged.

Kevin: Do you have his e-mail? I know it’s Celtic dodge something…

Michele: Bump-baaah-nananah!  Manah-manah! (Muppet style)

Trisha: Tom Jones (I add trying to jog Michele’s memory and bring her out of Muppetland)

Michele: Manah-manah…what?…huh?…I heard Celtic dodge…but you were just rambling.

Kevin: So I was the one rambling?

-6-

Congratulations and celebrations are in order!  My best friend from high school Holly Moskowitz passed her boards this week, so now it’s official.  She’s a nurse practitioner.  I knew you could do it and that your hard work and dedication would pay-off.  Congratulations, my dear! 

-7-

Saying Seeyasoon to our favorite brother in Christ.  It’s hard to believe that now is the time for our dearly beloved brother John to leave for seminary.  He’ll be moving in to St. Mary’s Seminary in Baltimore to begin classes next week.  We’ll miss him lots, but we’re confident that this is how he’s being called to glorify the Lord and bring others closer to Him.    

Head over to Conversion Diary, to read Jen Fulwiler's wonderful tradition of 7 Quick Takes Friday.

Beaten Down, Not Abandoned

Gone, Missing

     To say this past weekend was a rough one would be a gross understatement, though, it still didn’t register on the hands-down-worst-ever Richter scale for our family crises, and for that, I really am eternally grateful.  On Friday, I went over to my mom’s house while Vivi was napping (since her mom is working from home), and felt really sad, surprised, and disappointed at what I found. 

     I entered the living room and the couch was gone.  It wasn’t one that had been in the family for ages, but it had been a main gathering place at my mom’s aside from the dining room table which I looked up and noticed was also missing.  No one had mentioned to me that the furniture my mom doesn’t intend to keep had already been put on Craigslist, and much of it had already been purchased and picked up before Saturday's scheduled estate sale. 

Memories For Sale    

     Some familiar household decorations, picture frames, handcrafted pieces of religious art, along with various tchotchkes on the built-in shelves in the living room were arranged by price values of $5 and below.  It made me recall the twinge of sadness and regret I felt when my grandma handed me a picture frame to put a 25 cent sticker on for her garage sale many years before.  I don't know if she realized that her wedding invitation was what was in the frame. 

     There was one section of paperback and hardcover books, a table of clothes for a boy baby/toddler, a table of children’s picture books which my parents had read to us when we were little.  (My mom had taken out the ones that were our favorites and saved them.  I would have been really devastated if she’d given away one of the few nostalgic, still comforting pieces of my childhood that remains.)  I already have a small collection of books from our youth at our place, because I bring them with me when I nanny or work at school and share them with the kids in my life. 

The Show Must Go On

     Hanging on a rack in the sunroom were some of my youngest sister Theresa’s many costumes from quite a few dance performances over the years.  Wow!  I’ve been to so many of her recitals, dress rehearsals, Musical Revues, and performances. I miss seeing her dance now that she’s all the way up at The Ohio University.  Truth be told, I miss seeing her period. 

     On the windowsill was a line-up of Disney movies, sing-alongs, and other classic musicals and such on VHS tapes.  When Kevin and I met, he had been woefully deprived of two essential staples of my childhood: Disney movies and Broadway musicals.  Naturally, that had to be remedied sooner than later so he wouldn’t find it quite so odd when my mom, sisters, and I would break into some Disney or Broadway tune at the dinner table.

“The Bon-Ton Incident” 

     There was a rack of shoes and a smattering of handbags set out for $3.  I smiled briefly remembering a particular incident that occurred while I was wearing one small brown backpack I used for a number of years as a purse.  While weighted down with quite a few things in the mini backpack, I’d spun around quickly to tell Kevin I was going to the restroom and accidentally hit my then boyfriend/now husband where it counts. 
     I turned around to see him doubled over on a chair in the furniture section of the Bon-Ton department store and genuinely had no clue that I had unwittingly caused a full-on frontal attack on the family jewels.  I asked him what his problem was.  When he was able to speak again, he told me what happened and eventually was able to laugh about it.  He still, some ten or so years later refers to that unfortunate event as “The Bon-Ton Incident” and cringes whenever he’s spotted that backpack or someone’s made mention of that story.    
   

Hard-hitting Reality Bites

     It hit me hard this weekend (pun-intended) that we’ve already celebrated our last Thanksgiving and Christmas together in the one house still in the family where we have holiday memories that include my dad (who was only in his 50s when he passed away in 2009) and my grandmother, who, praise God, was eventually kicked out of hospice and is still living.  I cried quite a bit on Saturday, some of it at Little Sisters of the Poor, where my grandmother now lives. 

     I returned to the Chapel after Mass to pray for a while after taking Grandma down to her room and visiting briefly.  A tremendous grief and sense of loss came over me.  Once our brother John had finished his hour of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament and left, I had the chapel all to myself.  I burst into tears and sobbed for most of the next hour.  I realize that much of this sense of loss is coming from the many moves we made over the years, the major changes I despised because they were forced upon me, and the sadness that my mom will no longer have a place that’s big enough for my sisters, our spouses, our friends, and loved ones to gather together for a big party or a holiday meal. 

No More Holidays Inn

     We’ve spent our last Thanksgiving and Christmas in the one place where all of us were always welcome, felt at home, and had some special memories.  I feel rather lost, as if I don’t have a home base anymore.  For a number of years, my home base was my grandmother’s house, because we’d travel there every summer regardless of what state we lived in that year.  When my grandmother moved down here, my uncle and his wife bought it from her.  They sold that house when they had to move to Boston, so it’s no longer in the family, either. 

     Yes, Kevin and I have lived in our apartment since the month after we were married, for seven and a half years now, but it doesn’t hold as many memories and history as other places we’ve lived.  We’ve never had everyone over to celebrate a major holiday or even all gather for dinner.  Our place still needs a lot of work and seems like it will never get finished.  This was cause for additional tears and grief this past weekend. 
     I’ve drifted apart from my biological family in many ways, but this weekend brought that fact front and center.  It seems right now that many aspects of our lives are up in the air, and Kevin and I aren’t quite sure what we’re to do next in many areas, but we’re clear we want most to live out God’s will for us.  Fortunately, through the grace of God and some serious prayer cover, we can both agree on this most essential thing. 

Our Eternal Sanctuary

     Lord, thank You for a faith in You that has grown and expanded, and a husband who sees and appreciates the value of putting our lives in Your Hands.  Please help us keep focused on You, and remember that our goal is to help each other grow in holiness and get to Heaven, our one true, never-changing, always filled with love home. Amen.        

Tell Me the Truth, though It May Be Daring

     In many ways, it’s human nature to want to keep our failures, guilt, shame, insecurities, and struggles away from others.  To some extent we do that with every single person in our lives, at least I do.  I hide some facet of who I am (or at least I think I hide it), so that someone isn’t as likely to judge or reject me, like I assume they would if only they knew some of my deepest darkest secrets.

     In a sense there’s truth to the statement that you’re only as sick as your secrets.  Those things which we are too ashamed, horrified, embarrassed, humiliated, afraid, or traumatized to talk about with others or even be honest with ourselves about, are most likely the areas in our lives where there are deep-seated lies and a measure of stronghold over us because of the fear of being exposed. 
     There have certainly been times after I have shared something incredibly personal that I have worried that person betray my trust.  Most often I have feared that the more people find out about me and the better they get to know me, the more likely they will be

Saying Goodbye, Letting Go, Letting God

Dear Sister in Christ,


I’m still not quite sure what to say.  Winnie, Tom, and Sambo are cuddled up on the couch watching me write this to you.  It’s interesting that I’m often surprised that people are willing to trust me with their valuables and most prized possessions.  In a way, I feel honored.  At other times, I feel like shouting a huge warning that I’m not worthy to receive something that is so important and meaningful to someone else.

It’s an ongoing struggle within me that was brought to the surface again today.  As you described the dear memories you have of your most beloved stuffed animals, most of all Winnie-the-Pooh, but Tom and Sambo, too, and that you had been giving things away in preparation for entering the religious life, I wasn’t sure what part of the process of making peace with the past and moving forward you had come to and wanted to share with me. 
     
I still feel incredibly humbled that you have felt comfortable and safe enough with me that you’ve shared some of your most difficult struggles, hopes, and desires, along with the many spiritual experiences you’ve had over the years.    
     
Sometimes I’m not sure of the appropriate response when given a gift that has so much sentimental value to the giver.  I imagine I looked rather bewildered when you explained the significance of the three well-loved friends you felt led to pass on to me.  Obviously, these have been very special treasures for you for a number of years.  They’ve caught your tears, been with you in good times and bad, and it is a tremendous sign that you are preparing yourself in mind, body, and spirit to enter the religious life that you are ready to let them go.
     
This weekend, Fr. Jim gave the homily at St. Michael’s for 5:30pm Mass, and he spoke about the Epiphany, of course.  He said that we are called to give God the most precious gift, that which we have been holding back from Him.  Anything or anyone that keeps us from the Lord must be sacrificed on the altar in order that we can serve God first and foremost.  More and more your treasure has been in doing the Lord’s will.
     
The material possessions that brought you comfort and held memories for you were evidence of people and circumstances in your past, but the Truth of who you are is at your core and in God’s heart.  No thing, no accomplishment, no possession from another person could possibly embody all that is you.    
     
Detachment from things that we’ve felt we’ve needed to cling to in the past in order to remember who we were, what we’d been through, or who cares about us, is a growing process that allows more room in our hearts for God’s love and affection for us. 
     
You have done on some level what parents do with their children, and what God has and will continue doing with you: you have loved what was given to you  the whole time they were in your care, then with thought and, eventually, prayer you discerned who should receive your comforting trio.  God is doing a similar work in you.  He’s loving you completely, though He knows most intimately all of your bumps, bruises, scars, insecurities, fears, and pain. 
     
I understand all too well what you mean about your tendency to dive in head-first.  I have often done the same thing, and it has led me to the same place of feeling worn-out, confused, lost, and hurt.  Diving into God’s will is the only whole-hearted plunge we know will always bring us closer to Him. 
     
God knew from the time He knit you in your mother’s womb that you would be a very passionate person.  By submitting to Him, He will be able to use that for His glory and honor, for the salvation of souls in time and eternity. 
     
One thing that I learned and need to be reminded of is something that Danielle Rose speaks of beautifully in her song “The Saint that Is Just Me” is that God doesn’t want or need for me to be someone else in order to serve Him.  He wants me to be the best version of myself, the saint that only I can become. 

     
It has been so easy for me at times to think that God can possibly work in and through me.  I figure that I’m too broken and damaged for Him  to use me to reach others.  That’s what the devil would most like for us to believe, that we are useless and worthless.  Those are lies.  You are not too old, too broken, too damaged, too anything that God isn’t able to do amazing things in and through you.  The world may say that we should have things figured out by a certain age or a certain time in our lives, but those who are wise know that discerning God’s will is a lifelong process.
     
I’m reminded quite frequently that God’s timing isn’t ours, that what we think should happen or figure would be best often isn’t even close to the amazing blessings and miracles the Lord wishes to shower upon us.  He’s got some wonderful plans for your future, and when it’s imperative that you know the details, He’ll let you in on them.  In the meantime, just stay close to Christ, remain in love with the Lord, and you will be shown the way.   
     
It’s very important to me that you know that I care deeply about you and that your trust and willingness to be vulnerable with me means a great deal.               
     
I’m not quite finished processing all of this, but I want to send you what I’ve written so far, rather than wait, to let you know that I am indeed touched by your gift. 

Love, hugs, and prayers, Trisha

Note to reader: I wrote and sent this note to a dear friend this week, and she gave me her permission to share it on my blog along with the picture of her companions from childhood.

Becoming the Woman God Made You to Be

Tammy Evevard, your prayer has been answered. At least one of them, anyway. In the introduction of Becoming the Woman God Made You to Be, you tell the reader: “My prayer is that this book comes at just the right moment for you.”  I mention this because this book did indeed come at the right time.  I had selected this one to review a month and a half ago, and it arrived this week, precisely when God knew I would need to read the first two chapters.  These pages happen to include two Scripture passages which the Lord has used over and over again in my life to remind me of His love for me and His Presence within me.  Romans 8:38-39 and Psalm 139 are powerful reminders of God’s love and how He saw us in the womb and sees us now: as “fearfully, wonderfully made.” 

     
Though some very painful stories are shared, Evevard keeps things focused on how God has used people who have been hurt and broken, who aren’t quite society’s model citizens to carry out His Will, transform hearts, and change lives forever.
   
One essential lesson to take from this book is: whether you like make-up, fashion, public speaking, and ice cream or you prefer to go au naturel, select clothes that are comfortable over those that are cutting-edge, work behind-the-scenes and are lactose intolerant, God loves you for who you are.  He loves you where you are, and He’s got amazing plans for your life.      
     
The message that God can work in, with, and through us, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in, is one that I’ve needed to hear time and again.  Evevard includes ample reminders of these faith facts.  Amazing author, priest, and spiritual director, Henri Nouwen, is one of my all-time favorite writers, so I loved the quotes she included from his work. 
     
She also poses some powerful questions: “How bad do you want to be holy?  How bad do you want to be all that God has created you to be?  How bad do you want to get out of the prisons you live in?”  The Lord seems to keep asking us these same questions throughout our lives.  It seems many people get to the point when God says: You love me and want to do My Will above your own.  How bad do you want it? 
     
Are you willing to give up anything and anyone in your life if that’s what God asks of you?  It’s hard to say in the moment what we’ll put on the line, but we can rest assured, we’ll always be given the grace necessary to do the Lord’s Will, no matter how difficult.   
      
As with many of the points she made, they weren’t ones I hadn’t heard before or read elsewhere, but they were good reminders that women spend way too much time worrying about what others think, when we are always better off concentrating on how God sees us and feels about us. 
      
Chances are most women will be able to relate to some story, sentiment, or concern within these pages and be reminded what God wants them to know about the beauty of being a W-O-M-A-N.     
     
You can purchase this book here.

I wrote this review of Becoming The Woman God Made You to Be for the free Catholic book review program, Tiber River. Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases. I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.

Enemies of the Heart

Enemies of the Heart is a good read with interesting, sometimes amusing, personal stories, and practical suggestions for how to overcome these four enemies of the heart which all of us struggle with at times. 

     
How is your heart?  That’s not a question we hear often except when it comes to our physical cardiac health.  Stanley encourages readers to dig a little deeper into our emotions.

     
He provides concrete solutions to overcome the four main “enemies of the heart” which he states are: guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy. Each of these adversaries and the thought pattern that accompanies them is explored.

The author’s explanation of what each enemy means in terms of our thinking is one of the things that really put these principles into perspective for me.  Stanley says that:

Guilt produces the feeling that “I owe you.”  Anger stems from the assumption that you owe me.  Greed is the belief that I owe me.  And jealousy is the one that threw me, but he defines it as thinking that God owes me.  I could see the other explanations, but the idea that God owes me as the belief underneath jealousy wasn’t one I’d really thought about before. 

     
I highly recommend reading Enemies of the Heart and using the discussion questions at the end, which are a perfect fit for a six-week session small group or for individual study and journaling. 

     
I received a copy of Enemies of the Heart for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. To order your copy, click here.  If you have a blog and would like to receive free books in exchange for book reviews, check out the Blogging for Books program.