It’s Time to Move On: Trusting God When Unsure of What’s Next

I rarely like any news that begins with “it’s time to move.”  My family has had to relocate out-of-state multiple times while I was growing up due to my father’s successful career in pharmaceutical sales.  I hated having to start new in each place, being the new kid on the block as well as at school.  I never liked saying goodbye to friends.  In the fall of 2012,  my mom sold the only family home my sisters and I lived in and/or visited since I had just finished my sophomore year of high school and was about to meet the man I would one day get to date and eventually marry.

    
When I got older, the moves I made were usually my choice.  Roanoke for college, Paris, France, to study abroad, Rochester, New York in the summers to be near Kevin, Richmond to get married and settle down were all my decisions.  It was still hard to say goodbye to friends as well of the children whom I took care of in each of those places, but I knew mostly when the end of my time somewhere would be.     

It is only because God has recently made it clear that moving on is what He wants of me (of us) now that I have the courage to take this step.  I don’t like major changes, and I honestly don’t know what’s next for us, but we’re doing our best to trust God with everything and do what He tells us.  This is why my last day nannying for the three silly sisters I love so dearly will be on Thursday, January 16, 2014.

    
I’ve gone through a time of mourning each time I have stopped taking care of little ones for an extended period.  It was hardest and most painful when I stopped nannying for “my little guys.”  The grief over not seeing them for 50+ hours each week hit me in waves in the two months up to my last day of taking care of them as their nanny and for several months after.  On some days and in some ways, it felt as if I was losing two sons.  Even now, I still think of and pray for “my two little guys” and keep in touch with their families.

Knowing how much I love and get attached to the children I take care of, it was only out of a clear ‘yes, do this’ from the Lord and a sincere love for the family who has “adopted” my husband and me that I was even willing to consider nannying for anyone again.  I honestly didn’t think I would be willing to risk loving children so much who would only be in my care for a limited time. 

I’m hoping and praying that this transition will go as smoothly as possible for all of us and that this period of grieving (on my end) will be lighter and easier to deal with since we are close friends/family as well as the twins’ Godparents.  We aren’t saying goodbye, just seeyasoon as opposed to see you in the morning.   

     
My very talented husband has been out of work since he was let go on Labor Day (I know, crazy, right?!), and we have been without health insurance since mid-November, so it doesn’t seem all that logical for me to stop nannying right now.  However, I’ve found that what God leads us to isn’t often what makes sense to us at the time, nor is it the easiest path, but it has always, (every single time!), turned out to be the best for all involved. 

    
Kevin’s still looking for a full-time job with benefits and getting things together to patent his invention.  My immediate plans are to pick up more hours as a substitute teacher at RMS, give private French and Creative Writing lessons, and possibly do some after-school programs as I have in the past.  With some freelance writing and editing, and perhaps a creative writing workshop or two for adults, we should be able to manage.  I’ve also gotten the nudge to put a manuscript in order of my adventures in nannying and childcare, so I’ll be doing that as well.
     
My husband and I would very much appreciate your prayers as we continue discerning what God wants of us next in all areas of our lives and do our best to carry it out.  The prayer God first inspired me to pray many years ago still rises in my heart: Lord, plant Your Will in our hearts and make it our deepest desire and most fervent longing.  Amen.               

A Letter to Parents (My Nanny Diary)

Dear Mom and Dad,

If you think that no one other than the two of you will ever love your child and care for him as much as you do, except for God, you’re probably right.  Your child will always have a very special bond with you two, and your love is deeper, wider, and stronger for him than other people’s, and that isn’t likely to change, nor should it. 

From what I’ve read, heard, and observed, it’s perfectly normal to wonder if a child would be just as trusting, content, and relaxed to have pretty much anyone feed, burp, change, wash, clothe, hold, play with, read to, supervise, entertain…him.  The truth is their sense of trust, security, and love comes initially from the two of you.  Even when you are five kinds of tired and doing things only other parents or caregivers as sleep-deprived as you are would come up with, your child knows you love him, will take care of his basic needs, and not give up on him no matter how difficult he can be at times

The Lord chose you out of all of eternity to take care of this little one in body, mind, and soul.  The connection between parents and their children is much stronger than many realize.  I’ve had a number of parents, both mothers and fathers, make comments to me that indicate they feel their child is some sort of “traitor” when he warms up to me and seems comfortable with me taking care of him.  Actually “traitor” was the exact word one mother used when she came home on her lunch break the first day her son was in my care to check in and make sure everything was going well.  He was perfectly content, and she felt a little slighted as well as relieved and grateful.    

Another important aspect of life that children learn from very early on is that Mom and Dad show them who they can trust.  Part of your responsibility is to ensure that your child is always in reliable, competent care when one or both of you aren’t present.  You are your child’s most important, influential, and trusted teachers.  That’s not to say your child won’t challenge you frequently, but he knows that the bottom-line is that you’re the one who will appear in the middle of the night when he’s thirsty, hungry, teething, cold, having a nightmare...     

 

I don’t know what it feels like from your perspective to have a child you have sacrificed everything for run up and give someone not even related to you hugs and kisses, but I imagine it would make me feel envious and wonder where I rate if I were in your position.  If ever you feel a twinge of sadness, jealousy, or regret when your child runs up to someone else, remember that your child is able to love because God and the two of you loved him first and taught him how to trust by being trustworthy.    

The best performance review I’ve ever received from a parent is that they can tell I love their child “almost as much as they do.”  When one father said that, I knew he could understand how I feel and where I'm coming from.  Though I have loved each child for whom I have nannied as much as I possibly feel I am capable of love, I know that their parents love them even more, and I rejoice that’s the case. 

You’re right in thinking you’ll never find a babysitter or caregiver who loves your child as much as you do.  However, it is quite possible and very probable, that with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, you will find someone who really loves and adores your child and will give him the best care they know how while you two are at work.  It may mean searching a bit harder, interviewing more candidates, and/or training someone who has the potential to be a good fit, but it can be done.  It is possible to find quality child care you can trust and depend on to love and keep up with your little one. 

 

People have billions of ideas about what’s best for kids, but what they need most is to feel loved, safe, and have their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs met.  God always intends for there to be people in addition to the mother and father to love a child, care for and about him, and lend support and encouragement.  They aren’t kidding about it taking a village to raise a child.  Don’t be afraid of letting other people love your child dearly.  When it comes to the top spots in the child’s heart, you’ve got them.  Just like it says in Mary Poppins once she’s interviewed, “The position has been filled.” 

No matter what child care situation you discern is right for your family, your child will always have the strongest bond with the two of you, his mom and dad.

Sincerely,

Your Nanny

Girls Day Out - Blessings Abound

     God knows the deepest desires of our hearts and delights in granting them to show us His unconditional, limitless love.  Yesterday was a perfect example of that.  My dear friend Michele Morris is fast-approaching her August 6, 2013, entry date into the cloistered convent in Carmel, California, The Sisters by the Sea.  Her vocation discernment and her faith journey have taken some very interesting twists and turns, but God has made clear to her what the next step is in her walk with Him, and she’s joyful, peaceful, anxious, and excited to take it. 

     Over the past year, Michele felt kind of disappointed that she wouldn’t get to have a “bridal shower” to celebrate her vocation, rejoice with loved ones, and receive affirmation and encouragement for this momentous undertaking.  Some who are close to her haven’t been as supportive or as enthusiastic about her news, which has been difficult and discouraging at times.  People generally know enough to congratulate someone who’s gotten engaged and is getting married, but not as many are sure of what to do when someone, especially a female, has announced that God has called her to the religious life.

     After attending a wedding shower and serving as a bridesmaid last summer, Michele felt a twinge of sorrow and regret that she wouldn’t have the same sort of joyful gathering in anticipation of her upcoming lifelong commitment.  It wasn’t the gifts or anything like that she wanted.  Her heart really longed for the camaraderie and support from loved ones coming together and giving her a send-off filled with love, prayers, and encouragement. 

     The Lord gave her a beautiful bridal shower which was totally unexpected while she was on a special women’s weekend.  God loves us extravagantly, and knows the longings in our hearts, because the truest, longest-lasting ones are those He puts there.  He takes great joy in blessing us abundantly, often in totally unexpected ways, by granting those desires.  The circumstances of a women’s weekend Michele attended included an elegant formal feast with gorgeous decorations, soft music, flowers, candles, and a personal invitation at each spot.  When she entered, she was in awe and heard someone remark that the ambiance and décor were that of a wedding feast. 

     When Michele read the invitation placed at her spot, one line in it really struck her: “and Christ is the host.”  At the moment she read those words, it dawned on her that evening, the beauty around her, the women of faith,the atmosphere of love and joy was God’s bridal shower for her.  Few people there knew she had been accepted at a cloistered monastery and within a year or so would be entering a Carmelite community on the West Coast. 

     When she told the person next to her about her realization that this was her bridal shower, she was encouraged to share this with the entire group.  Michele felt reluctant to do so, because she didn’t want the special dinner to be about her, but the Holy Spirit practically pushed her to her feet, and she made the announcement that she’s going to become a cloistered Carmelite nun.  She spoke briefly of the sadness she experienced thinking she wouldn’t have such a celebration and her subsequent surprise and joy that God had seen fit to give her the delight of her heart at an unexpected time and place.  The formal, elegant, and initially rather solemn feast turned into a time of true rejoicing.  Someone put on a CD by Danielle Rose with a song that was perfect for the occasion called, "Your Bride."  These are the lyrics of the refrain:

"I am your bride.

I am one with my Beloved Crucified.

As you offer me your Body, I offer you my life.

Now and always, I am yours

I am your bride."

     Everyone stood in line to dance with Michele and wish her well.  There was a great deal of laughter, feasting, and celebrating with women of faith who enthusiastically embraced Michele’s call and share her deep desire to glorify God. 

     Yesterday was another desire Michele had in her heart, a day out with some close girlfriends, women of faith, to come together and help her find a special dress and shoes to wear the day she enters the monastery.  (They’re making her a postulant dress to wear once she enters, but she wanted to arrive in something special that she can wear a few times before she leaves Richmond.)  She’d found a dress she really liked at a shop just around the corner from where she lives.  It was the first dress she tried on, and as soon as she stepped out of the dressing room, the woman at the shop told her that she didn’t need to try on any of the other dresses, that was the one. 

     As is her custom, she didn’t buy the dress right away.  She decided she’d come back in a week, on the day when she and a few of her friends were free to go shopping and spend the afternoon and evening together.  If it was still there, then she’d know she should get it.  The store she went to is a secondhand shop with only one of what they have there of anything, so she was very excited to find out whether or not they’d sold the dress. 

     She went directly to the rack where she’d found it, but it wasn’t there.  The salesclerk was the same person who’d been working the day she found the dress, so she asked if it had been sold.  The woman pointed up to the top corner of the wall above the dressing rooms where there was a stunning purple dress and matching shawl hanging.  It was the dress she’d picked out the week before.  She tried it on, and we all knew immediately she’d found the dress. 

     This freed up the rest of our day to hang out, look for shoes in a number of children’s departments since Michele has such small feet.  We didn’t end up finding the perfect pair for her to wear with the perfect dress, but the four of us still had a really wonderful day together. 

     When Michele had run up to her apartment to put her dress there, her friends Betty, Carrie, and I were sitting in my car.  We were wondering if Michele would be interested in doing something like getting a pedicure.  We figured we’d walk by a place and pretend one of us was interested and see how she responded.  It ended up we didn’t have to do.  We walked by a nail salon on our way to Nordstrom’s, and she lit up and said it would be really fun to “have our feet done” (as she put it).  The three of us laughed and told her about the earlier conversation we’d had and our plan to deduce if it was something she’d like to do.

     We visited Michele’s friend Crystal who works in the make-up department in Nordstrom’s and who did Michele’s make-up for the début performance of the original one woman play she wrote, directed, and performs called “Teresita.”  Her student debt, theater background, and the story of her own vocational discernment inspired her to write a one act play based on the life of St. Teresa of Avila, particularly her life leading up to her entry into a Carmelite convent.  “Teresita” very closely mirrors the journey of the saint and has some amazing similarities to Michele’s own walk with the Lord. 

     While getting our spa pedicures, Michele and Betty were singing their hearts out to the music playing.  Occasionally, Michele even remembered the lyrics.  

     It was a fun, relaxing, joyful day out with the girls.  We had a delectable dinner at Strawberry Street Café, then we went to a place in Carytown called Bev’s that makes homemade ice cream for dessert. 

     Lord, thank You for the gift of Michele, for women of faith who inspire, support, encourage, and lift us up on our journey, and help us rejoice in the many blessings You shower up on us!

What’s So Special About Mary?

Here's a quick answer to that question from Busted Halo:

    

Honor Your Mother:

     
Mary did what Our Creator hopes each one of us will do: use the gift of free will to glorify the Lord and bring others closer to Him.  The Virgin Mary's entire life on earth and in Heaven has been centered on giving praise, honor, glory, and worship to the Lord who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  

     
From the very moment she was conceived, God preserved her from the stain of original sin, because the Mother of Jesus had to be spotless in order to be a fitting tabernacle for Christ.  We celebrate this feast of the Immaculate Conception on December 8th.  Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception is the patron saint of the United States.  The Basilica of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, DC, is the largest Catholic church in America.  It is quite breathtaking, definitely holy ground.   

    
Who is the person who knew Christ most intimately, loved Him most unconditionally, and bore the greatest suffering so that God's plan of salvation would be accomplished?  The Mother of God.  That's why she is to be honored: for submitting completely to the Lord's will, for saying "Yes" to God every minute of her life, and thereby spending every moment in time and eternity praising the Lord.  Catholics don't worship Mary, but we do honor her as The Mother of God and "the handmaid of the Lord."  

    
I firmly believe that any good mother (and/or childcare provider, nanny, teacher...) learns a great deal from children.  What better instructor could Mary have had to teach her lessons of love, hope, faith, peace, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, wisdom, honesty, innocence, joy, suffering, and sacrifice than Jesus Christ Himself?   

A Strong Devotion to the Blessed Mother Always Leads to a Closer Walk with Christ   

Note to reader: I originally wrote and posted the following part of this reflection on January, 1, 2011. 

     
I’ve had a very strong devotion to the Blessed Mother for a number of years. I know the Lord has used her example and intercession to help me grow closer to God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Mary was willing to do what God calls us each to do: put Him before everyone and everything else now and always.

When she was asked to be the Mother of Christ, she didn’t say something to the effect of: “I don’t know (or flat-out no), it wouldn’t be good for my reputation or my family if I became pregnant before living with my betrothed. Actually, since I would likely be stoned to death since that’s the punishment for a woman who becomes pregnant out of wedlock, I think I’ll pass.”

She asked how this would come to pass and is told: “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you” (Luke 1:34-35). Instead of fretting over what her parents would think, what Joseph would say, what her friends might start whispering behind her back, Mary had the grace and trust in the Lord to respond with: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38).

     
What a wonderful example Mary was of being open to the Lord’s grace and willing to serve Him in whatever ways He calls us to be vessels, holy tabernacles for the Holy Spirit! There have been countless times when I’ve prayed to know God’s will and have the courage to carry it out, but at the same time, I’ve had a million things come to mind about what might happen in terms of adversity, struggle, pain, or suffering, if I submit to the Lord completely in mind, body, and spirit. I know doing so means He’ll likely bring about some major changes in and around me that will bring me closer to Him. Some of the Divine Pruning will be quite painful, though, absolutely necessary.

     
“Mary said, ‘My soul magnifies the Lord. My spirit rejoices in God my Savior’” (Luke 1:46-47. These two statements seem to sum up what every person is called to do: be a tabernacle which reflects and projects the Lord and rejoice in the God who saves us.

     
Lord, thank You for the gift of Your Son Jesus and the Blessed Mother of God, who always point others to You. Please help us be open to whatever is necessary for us to become holier tabernacles for You. Plant Your will in our hearts and make it our deepest desire and most fervent longing. Amen.

Four Books about Mary I highly recommend: 

A Mary Christmas

Praying with Mary
Here is the link to my favorite prayer from this book.

Mysteries of the Virgin Mary: Living Our Lady’s Graces

Preparation for Total Consecration

The Need for Ongoing Conversion & Sanctification

Sanctification by Association

     I’ve known for a while now that I need to be better about designating time for personal prayer.  I mentioned to John that we miss having him living nearby, because his prayer practices so often inspire Kevin and me to go to daily Mass more frequently and have a more Christ-centered focus in general.  We’ve been to Mass with him three out of the four days he’s been home from seminary for Thanksgiving.

Nanny Nudges

     Another very powerful nudge has come from being Godparents and nanny to the girls.  The other day, I came down from putting one of the twins to bed, and saw Vivi crossing herself and finishing up with “and the Holy Spirit” before continuing to eat her fruit snacks.  That warmed me, made me smile, and reminded me that children are such sponges.  On a yet another day when things were so hectic at lunchtime with three small children that I didn't remember to say grace with them, Vivi stopped mid-afternoon snack to bless herself without being prompted.  That afternoon when all three of them were napping, I prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, inspired to be a person lifted up in love and grounded in prayer, especially when responsible for nurturing little bodies, minds, and souls. 

Inspiration & Accountability

     I know I can’t and shouldn’t rely on others to inspire or motivate me to maintain a solid prayer life.  I can be open to having spiritual mentors and friends help keep me on track if I am willing to open myself up to their suggestions and correction.  It does help immensely to have loved ones who genuinely want God to be first in their lives, because that desire and approach to life does where off and affect others.  Ultimately, if I look to someone other than Christ, then I will not always be fed, nor will I be filled with the gifts of the Holy Spirit so that I can serve others with love and compassion.

Taking It to the Top

     When I ask and am open to the answers, the Lord can be pretty specific with me about what I need to do.  I must admit that I wish I considered this more of a blessing and a lifeline than a scary reality check.  Sometimes the message is short and insistent: TRUST. Other times it’s a list of different aspects of my life that I need to put in God’s hands and leave them there (all of them), then a reminder to check back in regularly to listen for further instructions.     

Making Prayer a Priority

     It was sometime between 3^rd and 5^th grades that I began praying an Our Father, a Hail Mary, and a Glory Be every night before falling asleep.  I would get up early, usually before my mom and sisters woke up, to pray in high school.  I would often pray the Rosary to reflect on the highlights of Christ’s life.  I also read some spiritual books and found some other prayers that really spoke to me at that time in my life.  I would pray quite a bit throughout the day as I walked from one class to another.  I had lots going on in my family at that time, so it was usually pretty heavy on my heart to pray and ask for God’s help and strength.

Prayerful Vocation Discernment

     I struggled and prayed quite a bit about what God intended for my relationship with Kevin long-term as our big age difference, my family’s concerns, and a myriad of other issues kept me clinging to the Lord as I discerned whether marriage or the consecrated religious life would be my main vocation.   When I was dating Kevin and praying, pleading, begging for his conversion or rather reversion to the Catholic faith in which he was raised, I prayed frequently and fervently.  I knew that was the best way to be open to how God might work in and through me to show Kevin His love. 

Suffering Leads to Seeking God’s Will

     Watching those I love suffering brings me to my knees.  When I see others in pain—be it physically, emotionally, or spiritually—I’m much more willing to let God use me however He wants to alleviate their heavy burden.  I no longer place limits on what I will do or go through so that the person I love will be comforted, receive healing, and be drawn closer to the Lord.  Though I often do it with fear and trepidation, I rededicate my life: mind, body, and spirit to the Lord.  I ask Him to “plant His will in my heart and make it my deepest desire and most fervent longing” something the Holy Spirit inspired me to write in one of my prayer journals years ago. 

Here are some other posts, articles, and resources you might find helpful for ongoing conversion and sanctification:

True Conversion One Heart at a Time

Cardinal Dolan’s November 2012 address to the USCCB general assembly

The Evangelization Equation

Holiness is for Everyone

On Prayer

“What do You want of me?” Part IV of IV

     There’s a danger in relying blindly on the thoughts, feelings, observations, and opinions of others.  Our perceptions are just that, how we see things.  In order to know the Truth about ourselves, another person, a situation…we must go to the only always reliable source: God.  The rest of us are liable to be confused by our own lie-based thinking and beliefs, tainted by our own experiences, our sinfulness, and skewed by our own perceptions.  Sometimes we’ll see part of what’s really there, and other times we’ll miss most of it. 

     I wrote a prayer a while back keeping all of this in mind, and I’ve shared it with others and prayed it often myself as a reminder of where my most authentic and brutally honest performance evaluation comes from. 

     “Lord, so often we seek the approval of our family, our friends, our colleagues, and society and are easily swayed by their opinions.  Please help us have courage enough to turn to You when we need guidance, and put Your view of us, Your wishes for our future, and Your thoughts about our words and actions, above those of other people around us.

     You alone know our hearts completely.  You alone know what is ultimately best for us.  Inspire us to spend more time listening to You so it is easier for us to separate Your will from our own and those of the people closest to us.  Protect us from despair and disillusionment by arming us with the truth, the strength to do Your will, and the wisdom to submit everything we are and have to You.  Amen.”                 Prayer written by Trisha Niermeyer Potter March 2008

Note: This post is the last of four in a series.  Click these links to read the first three posts: "What do You want of me?" Part I, Part II, Part III.

Are you a modern-day Judas?

What was the gravest error that Judas Iscariot made? 

Betraying a close friend who welcomed you into his inner circle and treated you like a brother is high on the list of his biggest blunders, especially when it leads to you being brutally tortured and murdered, but it’s not the most serious indiscretion of this well-known traitor. 

     
In the Gospel reading from John 13: 21-33, 36-38 when Jesus informs the Twelve that one of them will betray Him, they all look at Him confused.  Peter nudges John, who was reclined at Jesus’ right hand, to ask who will do this.  In response, Jesus says He will hand the morsel to the person who will betray Him, then He dips the bread and hands the piece to the disciple sitting at His left hand, the spot given to the guest of honor, Judas Iscariot. 

Guess who’s coming to dinner?

I hadn’t realized this before, but Fr. Kauffman explained in his homily on Tuesday of Holy Week that the two people sitting closest to Jesus at the last supper were John and Judas.  This really struck me.  I have a hard enough time being around people who have lied to me, betrayed me, purposely hurt me in some way, so it hit me hard that Jesus kept Judas close to Him and lavished love upon him, knowing that he was about to hand him over to the people who would torture and kill Him. 

     
This boggles my mind!  Because I have been very hurt and harshly betrayed by the people closest to me in the past, I can sometimes be weary even of people who have proven to be sincere and worthy of my trust.  I get frustrated with myself for putting up walls of protection, but I still do it.  I tend to feel really tense and uncomfortable when sharing a meal or in the same room with someone who has hurt me very badly. 
     
Jesus wasn’t like that at all.  Jesus knew well in advance that Simon Peter and Judas Iscariot were going to betray their allegiance to Him, yet He kept them close by.  Jesus didn’t start distancing Himself from the two He knew were going to give in to temptation and turn their backs on Him.  He treated them as beloved brothers before, during, and after their betrayal.

What’s the main difference between Peter and Judas, the two disciples who Jesus indicates will betray Him? 

Peter denies his connection with Christ not once, but three times when the stakes of discipleship are quite high.  When he realizes what has happened, he weeps bitterly, painfully aware of his desperate need of Jesus’ forgiveness and mercy.          
     
Judas hands Jesus over to the soldiers and the police of the chief priests and the Pharisees.  When he acknowledges that he’s made a tremendous mistake, Judas despairs, condemns himself as one whose sin is greater than God’s mercy, and takes his own life. 
     
Not only has Judas betrayed Jesus, he makes the ultimate mistake of believing that his sin, the darkness within him, something he’s done in a moment of weakness has cast him outside the bounds of the Lord’s mercy, love, and salvation.  Judas decides that he cannot, shouldn’t, or wouldn’t be forgiven by Jesus for the evil he committed, so he rejects all faith and hope in exchange for despair and eternal damnation. 
     
Peter royally screwed up, but he had faith enough to believe in Christ’s message of mercy and forgiveness, to trust in His unconditional love and promise of salvation.  He held on to hope and allowed himself to be forgiven.

Tell Me the Truth, though It May Be Daring

     In many ways, it’s human nature to want to keep our failures, guilt, shame, insecurities, and struggles away from others.  To some extent we do that with every single person in our lives, at least I do.  I hide some facet of who I am (or at least I think I hide it), so that someone isn’t as likely to judge or reject me, like I assume they would if only they knew some of my deepest darkest secrets.

     In a sense there’s truth to the statement that you’re only as sick as your secrets.  Those things which we are too ashamed, horrified, embarrassed, humiliated, afraid, or traumatized to talk about with others or even be honest with ourselves about, are most likely the areas in our lives where there are deep-seated lies and a measure of stronghold over us because of the fear of being exposed. 
     There have certainly been times after I have shared something incredibly personal that I have worried that person betray my trust.  Most often I have feared that the more people find out about me and the better they get to know me, the more likely they will be

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 34)

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 Why I Love Religion, and Jesus.  Check out this is a very well-done response to the popular Youtube video of a poem Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus which brings up some interesting points about the pitfalls of false religion, but fails to recognize some factual truths pointed out in Why I Love Religion, and Jesus.

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Nothing Is Impossible with God:  I was thinking about that truth from the Bible a lot last weekend.  My sister Mary was installed as a deacon at Christ Presbyterian Church.  I’m not surprised that my sister has been chosen as a ministry leader in her church, especially since she and her husband, Jordan, have long been doing the prayer in outreach in their church and neighborhood that would be customary of people in such a role.  What’s amazing and truly miraculous is that my sister has done more than survived, she’s thrived since she joined the church’s youth group back in high school.  She’s been through an awful lot in her life, and God’s turned it all into good, as only He can.  Thank, You, Lord Jesus! 

    

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 Unborn Baby Saves Dad’s Life This is a really neat story you’ll definitely want to read about.  http://www.lifenews.com/2012/01/16/unborn-babys-kick-prompts-mom-to-save-fathers-life/.          

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Who are you today?  Since I substitute regularly at school both for academic teachers from the toddler class up through middle school as well as work in Montessori Enrichment, it’s not unusual for people to ask me, “Who are you today?” I know that they mean who are you subbing for today, but that’s not what they say.  I’ve gotten in the habit of introducing myself, “I’m Trisha,” though most people know me there, then I add, “and today I’m subbing for so-and-so.”  It catches people off-guard which can be fun.   

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The Waiting Game Lately the combination of different substituting, babysitting, nannying, afterschool club teacher mix I juggle has kind of been up in the air.  I’m doing my best to roll with it and not worry about what’s next.  As of yet, I don’t have enough kids signed up to run either of my afterschool clubs, so I’m postponing the start date for one more week to give parents more time to get their forms and fees in.  I know it will all work out one way or another, and I’m grateful to have work to do even if I’m not certain what the combination will look like over the next few months.

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 I remember you! Since I am the lead teacher for several of the different summer camps held at Richmond Montessori School, many children recognize me when I come into their classrooms to substitute.  Some will remember my name.  Others recall I’m “Miss Trisha” and ask me if I remembered having them in camp.  A little boy approached me while I was subbing in his class yesterday to ask me if I remembered when he found the beetle during Nature Camp.  I did recall that occurrence.  It’s really fun to see what kids learn, remember, and take in.  They’re such little sponges!   

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Respect Life Sunday This weekend is Respect Life Sunday at our parish.  Kevin and I have had so much going on with work, family, ministry things, that we decided that it would be better for us right now if we didn’t commit to one more thing.  I thought I might feel tremendously guilty not helping set everything up and man the tables as I have in previous years, but then I recalled some of the more day-to-day things Kevin and I have done in recent months that most definitely fall under the category of respect life, and I felt better realizing it’s become a way of life for us, not just an occasional Sunday. 

Head over to Conversion Diary, to read Jen Fulwiler's wonderful tradition of 7 Quick Takes Friday.

Saying Goodbye, Letting Go, Letting God

Dear Sister in Christ,


I’m still not quite sure what to say.  Winnie, Tom, and Sambo are cuddled up on the couch watching me write this to you.  It’s interesting that I’m often surprised that people are willing to trust me with their valuables and most prized possessions.  In a way, I feel honored.  At other times, I feel like shouting a huge warning that I’m not worthy to receive something that is so important and meaningful to someone else.

It’s an ongoing struggle within me that was brought to the surface again today.  As you described the dear memories you have of your most beloved stuffed animals, most of all Winnie-the-Pooh, but Tom and Sambo, too, and that you had been giving things away in preparation for entering the religious life, I wasn’t sure what part of the process of making peace with the past and moving forward you had come to and wanted to share with me. 
     
I still feel incredibly humbled that you have felt comfortable and safe enough with me that you’ve shared some of your most difficult struggles, hopes, and desires, along with the many spiritual experiences you’ve had over the years.    
     
Sometimes I’m not sure of the appropriate response when given a gift that has so much sentimental value to the giver.  I imagine I looked rather bewildered when you explained the significance of the three well-loved friends you felt led to pass on to me.  Obviously, these have been very special treasures for you for a number of years.  They’ve caught your tears, been with you in good times and bad, and it is a tremendous sign that you are preparing yourself in mind, body, and spirit to enter the religious life that you are ready to let them go.
     
This weekend, Fr. Jim gave the homily at St. Michael’s for 5:30pm Mass, and he spoke about the Epiphany, of course.  He said that we are called to give God the most precious gift, that which we have been holding back from Him.  Anything or anyone that keeps us from the Lord must be sacrificed on the altar in order that we can serve God first and foremost.  More and more your treasure has been in doing the Lord’s will.
     
The material possessions that brought you comfort and held memories for you were evidence of people and circumstances in your past, but the Truth of who you are is at your core and in God’s heart.  No thing, no accomplishment, no possession from another person could possibly embody all that is you.    
     
Detachment from things that we’ve felt we’ve needed to cling to in the past in order to remember who we were, what we’d been through, or who cares about us, is a growing process that allows more room in our hearts for God’s love and affection for us. 
     
You have done on some level what parents do with their children, and what God has and will continue doing with you: you have loved what was given to you  the whole time they were in your care, then with thought and, eventually, prayer you discerned who should receive your comforting trio.  God is doing a similar work in you.  He’s loving you completely, though He knows most intimately all of your bumps, bruises, scars, insecurities, fears, and pain. 
     
I understand all too well what you mean about your tendency to dive in head-first.  I have often done the same thing, and it has led me to the same place of feeling worn-out, confused, lost, and hurt.  Diving into God’s will is the only whole-hearted plunge we know will always bring us closer to Him. 
     
God knew from the time He knit you in your mother’s womb that you would be a very passionate person.  By submitting to Him, He will be able to use that for His glory and honor, for the salvation of souls in time and eternity. 
     
One thing that I learned and need to be reminded of is something that Danielle Rose speaks of beautifully in her song “The Saint that Is Just Me” is that God doesn’t want or need for me to be someone else in order to serve Him.  He wants me to be the best version of myself, the saint that only I can become. 

     
It has been so easy for me at times to think that God can possibly work in and through me.  I figure that I’m too broken and damaged for Him  to use me to reach others.  That’s what the devil would most like for us to believe, that we are useless and worthless.  Those are lies.  You are not too old, too broken, too damaged, too anything that God isn’t able to do amazing things in and through you.  The world may say that we should have things figured out by a certain age or a certain time in our lives, but those who are wise know that discerning God’s will is a lifelong process.
     
I’m reminded quite frequently that God’s timing isn’t ours, that what we think should happen or figure would be best often isn’t even close to the amazing blessings and miracles the Lord wishes to shower upon us.  He’s got some wonderful plans for your future, and when it’s imperative that you know the details, He’ll let you in on them.  In the meantime, just stay close to Christ, remain in love with the Lord, and you will be shown the way.   
     
It’s very important to me that you know that I care deeply about you and that your trust and willingness to be vulnerable with me means a great deal.               
     
I’m not quite finished processing all of this, but I want to send you what I’ve written so far, rather than wait, to let you know that I am indeed touched by your gift. 

Love, hugs, and prayers, Trisha

Note to reader: I wrote and sent this note to a dear friend this week, and she gave me her permission to share it on my blog along with the picture of her companions from childhood.

Into the Habit, Out of the Convent, Back on the Stage: Danielle Rose

     
I honestly never thought I would get the opportunity to meet Danielle Rose or see her perform live.  She’s been around the world performing, and had already produced three truly inspirational CDs when a Cursillo friend got me hooked on her music. 

     
A couple years ago, not long after I’d become a fan of Danielle Rose, she discerned God was calling her to enter a cloistered convent.  Her last album before entering the convent to continue discerning her vocation titled Pursue Me is heavily inspired by her ongoing desire to do God’s Will in her life.  A number of songs on the album express her openness to becoming a consecrated religious if that’s where the Lord wanted her.

     
So how is it that Kevin and I picked her up from Richmond airport and spent a lovely evening with her tonight?  Our God is an awesome God whose thoughts and plans are so far above ours…

As Danielle shared in her interview Wednesday evening, September 7, 2011, on EWTN’s Faith and Culture Episode 2: “Music and the New Evangelization,” in her ongoing discernment of the Lord’s Will for her life, she and the religious community she had entered were both led to the answer that Danielle was to return to her vocation as a music missionary. 
  
Her story and faith journey are quite beautiful displays of the Lord’s love, His perfect timing, and the grace with which He fills those who submit entirely to His Will.  Through prayerful discernment, she’s gotten into the habit of seeking the Lord’s Will first, and submitting to it completely, though He continues to challenge her day-by-day.
     
Having finally met her in person, I can best describe her as a joy-filled sweetheart.  Danielle has an amazing ability not many possess to listen carefully and attentively to others and truly be enthusiastic about the ways the Lord has worked and is working in the lives of other people. 
     
I wasn’t sure I could possibly be any more excited about her coming to our very own parish to do two free concerts this weekend, but apparently I can.  I am beyond thrilled that the Lord has seen fit to bless us with her presence.  I hope you’ll join us if you’re in the area!  

The Road of Hope: A Gospel from Prison

I’ve been looking forward to reading The Road of Hope: A Gospel from Prison ever since I first learned more about Cardinal Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan by watching the Road of Hope DVD a few months ago.  I can now tell you that the book was every bit as amazing and awe-inspiring as the film about this priest’s life.  Actually, I believe I have a much greater appreciation for the wisdom imparted in the book through his 1001 short messages written to his congregation while he was in prison because I had already learned so much about his life story, the unimaginable suffering he endured, and the steadfast faith and hope he was given by God and accepted throughout even the darkest times in his life.

     
There are some people whose writing has a powerful capacity to bring me comfort, inspiration, and resonates deeply with me.  Two of the people on that list are Blessed Pope John Paul II and Blessed Mother Teresa.  Any book I’ve read by or about either of them has motivated me to draw closer to the Lord.  Cardinal Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan is one of those people who I’ll be adding to my list of persons (likely to be canonized as saints) whose words, actions, and entire life glorified the Lord.  His words ring true, emphasize the truth in the Gospel, and ways to live it out in our modern world.

It’s certainly possible to read and get a great deal from the insights and reflections in The Road of Hope: A Gospel from Prison without other knowledge of this priest’s life and legacy, but in my case, they meant so much more coming from someone who remained faithful to the Lord when brutally tested in mind, body, and spirit. 
     
Do yourself, your family, and your ministry a favor and learn about this holy man of God. You are guaranteed to be inspired.
     
You can purchase the Road of Hope DVD here and The Road of Hope: A Gospel from Prison book here.  I wrote this review of The Road of Hope: A Gospel from Prison for the Tiber River Blogger Review program.  Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases. I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.