A New Take on New Year's

     A super-speeded up balloon drop, noisemakers, crowns made of Happy New Year’s garland, international music, dancing, French toast, sausage biscuits, and sparkling grape juice were all elements of our New Year’s party yesterday afternoon. The kids had fun and, truth be told, so did the adults present.
     None of the kids moped around talking about what a rough year it had been or making promises to lose weight, gain muscle, finish that project at home, or exercise more in 2011. Their conversation was light and often amusing. I couldn’t resist jotting down a few of the comments I overheard come out of the mouths of babes:

Going with or without at Christmas

 

This Year Our Christmas Came Without

It came without picking out the live family tree,
decorating homemade sugar cookies,
sending out a single Christmas card.

It came without setting out the family’s nativity,
listening to Christmas carols while
watching the colored lights on the tree.

It came without candles burning while sipping tea,
evenings of jingle bell laughter, singing, spinning and dance,
watching all of our favorite Christmas movies in advance.

It came without stressing over buying a long list of gifts,
going to our usual Christmas shows,
lots of parties to go to given by friends.

There were a number of extenuating circumstances which kept Kevin and me from participating in our usual Advent and Christmas traditions this year.
    
Fortunately, we made it to my mom’s for hors d’oeuvres by the tree and each opening one gift on Christmas Eve.  Mom made the customary assortment of finger foods including: chips, a veggie tray with dip, cocktail wieners, crackers and cheese, shrimp cocktail, and her famous homemade chicken tenders. We got a chance to catch up with my mom, sisters, and brother-in-law while enjoying food and listening to Christmas music around the brightly decorated tree.
    
We returned to Mom’s house in the morning by 8:15 to open presents as a family. Even though we’re all 19 and older now, my sisters insist we get there relatively early to open gifts. It’s kind of cute that even now my one sister still gets so excited about opening presents Christmas morning that she can’t sleep the night before.
    
Kevin and I went to Mass on our own. The gift of the God’s only Son, Mass, the Eucharist, and the love of my husband and family made this Christmas even though there were many things and activities it came without this year.
    
Things didn’t quite turn out the way Mary and Joseph had envisioned leading up to, on, and beyond Christ’s birth, but love prevailed and the Lord’s Will was done. God was, is, and always shall be with us, in us, and working through us. Amen.

The Christmas Play Spectacular

    
On Saturday afternoon, Kevin and I went to a play at Little Sisters of the Poor written and directed by Sister Joseph Marie. The play showed the remarkable parallels between the first Christmas and the initial promptings of the Holy Spirit in guiding foundress Saint Jeanne Jugan to start the Congregation of Little Sisters of the Poor.
   
The stage settings, designed by Nhan Duong, were very nicely done. There were a three-month-old infant, several children, and young teens in the cast along with the usual assortment of elderly residents.
    
I found it to be a sort of poetic justice to be sitting at Little Sisters holding hands with my husband

and watching my grandmother in this play focused on two women saying yes to God: the Blessed Mother and Jeanne Jugan. Ten years earlier I had walked into Little Sisters of the Poor to visit a resident who I met while volunteering there in high school and noticed a painting on the wall. It’s of a sailor asking Jeanne Jugan for her hand in marriage, and Jeanne telling him that God wants her for Himself.    
    
At that time, I had already fallen in love with Kevin, but I was in the midst of a period of discernment about what God wanted my life-long vocation to be. I burst into tears at the mere suggestion that it was indeed God’s will that I become a consecrated religious instead of marrying Kevin, but even then the Lord had given me the grace to want His will more than anything else. I kept praying and waiting for more clarity.

    
The play was a great reminder of several miracles that have occurred: a young woman conceived without sin, an unwed woman saying let it be done unto me even knowing the punishment for such a pregnancy could result in her being killed, a man having a dream to take his wife who was carrying the Savior in her womb, and giving birth to him in the humblest of surroundings.

    
Not only that, but I also made it through a very difficult period of discernment certain that God’s will was then (and is now) for me to keep Him first and foremost while loving Kevin as my husband. We’ve now been married for over six years. My grandma had a miraculous recovery a couple years back and has made it to her 87th Christmas.

    

She did a fine job playing the role of one of the benefactors who donated to Jeanne Jugan. I couldn’t help but laugh when grandma made a comment about having been “roped into being in the play last minute.” She had one line, put one apple in Jeanne’s basket, and was asked to wear an animal print hat as her costume but otherwise had on her regular clothes and got to sit there and watch the rest of the play in a front row seat. Gotta love Grandma, and I do!

    
Lord, thank You for the gift of Your Son, the Blessed Mother, my grandmother, Mom, husband, and the many people who have helped me grow closer to You over the years. Amen.

Love Them Anyway

"What do you do when the person talks and talks and talks, and you listen and listen and listen - but they never change? How do you respond when a person says they want help, but refuses to make any headway on practical suggestions? What do you do when they continue on a destructive path, unwilling to take help offered or listen to suggestions? Where does the biblical model for correction come into play (2 Timothy 2:23-26; Matthew 18:15-20)?"

Note: the above questions were presented in an Anonymous comment on my A Snow Angel to the Rescue & Related Life Lessons post, and the below response is my answer.

This is a loaded set of questions. One response is that if you are really listening to a person, chances are that your compassion and love for him or her will grow, as will your ability to see the Lord working in and through the individual, even if the things you see as being wrong don’t change. God’s grace works in amazing ways and at times we don’t expect. It’s surprising to find out how much we affect others by being honest, seeking the Lord, and wanting more than anything else to do His will. A seemingly simple gesture can and does speak volumes.
    
I spent a number of years upset and frustrated about the things I saw people around me doing. I was often far too arrogant to see in myself the pride and self-centeredness which kept me from loving others as they wanted and needed to be loved. I now know that if someone or something is really bothering me, then it is often because there is a part of me that needs to change. Somewhere in me I’m holding on to some level of pride or self-righteousness, hurt, or insecurity that needs to be rooted out before I can be the vessel of love, healing, and Truth God calls us each to be.
    
Sometimes it takes years to soften a heart to forgive when it has been deeply hurt. God never stops working on any of us. The people in each person’s life who are most open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, most honest and upfront about their own faults and struggles, and, therefore, most loving, compassionate, kind, and gentle with others are often those who have the greatest influence and impact in people’s lives.
    
Of course there comes a time when you need to decide if you love the person enough to maintain some sort of relationship with them, even if they continue to make choices of which you disapprove. If your love for them is strong enough and truly Christ-like, then it will win out over your desire to change them in ways they might not be ready for, open to, or ways that might not even be in-line with the particular call they have received from the Lord.
    
So often when I’ve felt that I just had to step in and tell someone else how they were messing up, I discovered the aspects of my life and personality which ought to be amended in similar ways. In some cases it’s been years later that God’s given me a deeper insight about a past experience that allows me to see someone more through the light of God’s unconditional love than I’d ever been able to before. I realize my heart and thinking needed to change.
    
Personally, when faced with this type of experience while remaining focused on the Lord: I increase my efforts many times over in praying for the person. I am more willing to undergo any correction or suffering the Lord reveals is necessary to purify me so that I might be a better vessel for His love and more open to the Holy Spirit when, how, and if the Lord wishes to use me in bringing about that person’s healing and deeper conversion.
    
There have been several times in my life where this sort of humbling has been necessary before I was in a place of submission to the Lord’s will that made me open enough to do anything and everything that He asked of me to help heal the person who I thought so desperately needed to change. Many times it was through showing me the areas of pride and deceit, weakness and/or fear in me that needed to be addressed before I could be in a position spiritually and emotionally to inspire someone else to grow closer to the Lord.
   
One of the biggest examples of loving people where they are, praying for them to grow closer to God, and being open to how I needed to change for this to happen in my life has been when I became best friends with and started dating the man who is now my husband. How very humbling it has been that I have learned so much about God’s love through him and other people who I once was so sure needed to change in so many ways.
    
One catch-phrase that comes to mind is that: “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” As is most likely the case with everyone, I have people in my life who have made choices I am morally, ethically, and/or spiritually opposed to, but that doesn’t mean that I stop loving those people. I might need to put some distance between us if I’m not in a place either emotionally or spiritually where I can spend time with them without being critical or judgmental.
    
Only if I have made it abundantly clear through my words, actions, and prayers that I genuinely love and care about people have I found that they are likely to be open to suggestions I might have about certain aspects of their lives. That doesn’t mean they will take them. That’s another important juncture when it’s time to make a decision I’ve found is best done through prayerful discernment.

Sometimes God intends for us to be a positive influence in people’s lives who will draw them closer to Him. Other times our approach comes from a place of pride and judgment, instead of love and genuine concern, so our intervention of sorts isn’t likely to be well-received and could end up doing more harm than good.
    
God is love, and all who dwell in love, dwell in God.

A Snow Angel to the Rescue & Related Life Lessons

“Don’t worry! I’m a professional snow technician!” the man in the movie theater parking lot announced to us when our car got stuck in the snow.
   
I smiled, grateful that someone with such a confident, positive attitude had come forward to help us out of our predicament. My dad was frustrated that he’d gotten the car stuck. Being from upstate New York, he was very used to driving in snow. He was also used to living in a state where they own and operate many snow plows to clear roads and parking lots in a timely manner.
   
The kind gentleman stood behind our car and helped us by pushing when we rocked it forward to get out of the little ditch.
   
When we finally got out, I turned around to wave and say thanks.
  
I was reminded of this recently not just because we got some snow and are getting even more today, but also because it’s been on my mind what varied approaches people have when they see someone struggling.
   
Working with children as well as adults, there have been countless times when I’ve seen people having a hard time with something. Whether it’s tying their shoes, lamenting booboos, meeting a tight deadline, or walking a fine line, others often notice when someone is having a tough time of it.
   
Depending on the situation and personalities, the potential helper takes different approaches. Some kids will come up and in a loud voice tell their classmate what he or she is doing wrong. This often results in a fight, hurt feelings, and at the very least, a rumble in the classroom jungle. Others will do the task for their classmates instead of helping them do it themselves, which gives them two messages: I can do this and you can’t.
   
The best scenario happens when a teacher or another student comes over and asks if the person would like help. If and when he or she says yes, the person gives instructions about how something is done, demonstrating it if necessary. Asking first shows respect to the individual, who may very well want to get the stupid double knot out of his own light-up Superman shoes this time.
   
We do a great disservice when we step in assuming our assistance will be necessary and welcomed. We run roughshod over people if we criticize them instead of pointing out in a positive way what could be done differently, then offering to help.
   
There will always be situations in life in which we’ll see people struggling with someone or something. We may think we know the best solution to a problem (and sometimes we do), but we are frequently the most help when we ask questions, listen, and respect the person’s decisions even if we don’t understand or agree with them.
   
I know when I’ve struggled with something, I’m most receptive to the people who ask questions, listen, and show through their words and actions that they genuinely care about me.
   
I tend to be on the defensive if things start out with someone telling me all the things they believe I’m doing wrong. Far too many times in my life, that’s how I’ve begun talking to someone I think should be doing something differently. The result has often been an argument.
   
What I guess you could call the careless cowboy approach has never gone as well as those times when I ask questions and listen first instead of making snap judgments and unfair, often inaccurate, assumptions.
   
Lord, please give me the wisdom to be a compassionate, loving, gentle presence to others, especially when they are struggling. Amen.

The Fulfillment of All Desire

I would definitely put this on the list of the top ten books all Catholics should read! After having read many of the biographies and other books from which Ralph Martin takes lengthy excerpts, I got a lot from reading The Fulfillment of All Desire. It is a very well-written body of work that contains a beautiful synthesis of the spiritual wisdom from seven remarkable saints. Through an involved look at the different levels of spiritual growth leading to marital union with the Lord, Martin gives the reader valuable insights from the writings of seven doctors of the church: Augustine, Bernard of Clairvaux, Catherine of Siena, Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Francis de Sales, and Thérèse of Lisieux.
   
Whether someone’s interested in reading the major teachings of some well-known saints for the first time or would like to refresh the memory of what he or she has read over the years, this book is a good choice. I found it very helpful to have so many of the parallels drawn between the various works and teachings of these saints. In addition to giving an overview of the lives of each of these saints, the author provides us with deep insights about the spiritual enlightenment and growth each of these individuals underwent. By guiding the reader through how each of the above-mentioned saints dealt with sin, prayer, temptation, spiritual growth, suffering, purification, and a growing love for the Lord and His people, we see many similarities. Of course, each person exhibits a firmer resolve in doing the Lord’s will even as they go through quite a bit of suffering in mind, body, and spirit.
    
All of them through their lives, examples, and writing show how important the purification part of growing closer to God is. Each of the seven was challenged again and again to let go of pride and their own wills, so the Lord could be free to work in and through them. Martin does a terrific job of letting each person’s unique personality and temperament shine through by selecting excerpts from their works instead of just paraphrasing the main ideas. This makes the book seem much more like a compilation of wisdom directly from the saints than a watered-down attempt at synthesizing the various books they’ve produced about their lives.
    
I highly recommend this book. There are quite a few gems, so you’ll likely want to take your time with it, refer back to it as a reference, and pick out your wish list titles from among the many works cited throughout the book.
    
You can purchase this book here.  I wrote this review of The Fulfillment of All Desire for the Tiber River Blogger Review program.  Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases. I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.

The Fulfillment of All Desire Study Guide

There is a wealth of material covered in the tome called The Fulfillment of All Desire, so the Study Guide is a very useful tool to get the most out of this book. There is a summary of each chapter followed by a list of Questions for Comprehension. Since Ralph Martin uses such a variety of sources and covers such topics as heaven, hell, temptation, sin, suffering, purification, as well as the main biographical information about these seven doctors of the Church, it is helpful to have questions to help the reader pick out the focal points.

I really like that there are Questions for Reflection included for each chapter as well. These are deep, thought-provoking jumping off points for meditation, journaling, spiritual direction…which provide great opportunities to see how relevant these subjects are to our own lives and spiritual growth. It’s also helpful that the main facts about each of the seven saints’ lives are listed in the study guide for quick reference.     
This study guide would make this a wonderful book club pick, if those in the group are avid readers, and/or plan to meet a number of times to discuss the contents, the implications they have in our lives today, and what each topic has stirred up in individual readers.
    
A list of key terms is given at the end of each chapter of the study guide which allow the reader to remember quickly what keywords belong with which saint. The glossary at the back of the book has definitions of all of these terms.
   
 Reading this book along with the study guide will greatly enhance what is gleaned from these wise followers of Christ and help us to apply what they learned to our own lives as we strive to grow in holiness and approach a more intimate relationship with the Lord.
    
This review was written as part of the Catholic book reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on The Fulfillment of All Desire Study Guide and be sure to check out their great selection of baptism gifts while you are there.

Waiting Joyfully and Hopefully

     Yesterday Kevin and I were running from one thing to the next from 3:30 until 7:30pm. Our first activity ran really late, so we stopped for dinner and missed the beginning of the Advent concert at our church. We slipped in, got to hear several songs sung by kids, teens, and adults, then we slipped back out before the final song, so we could drive to another church where the Cursillo Ultreya was being held.
     Usually, someone gives a witness talk at each Ultreya. I gave one at the last one which was held November 19 in Farmville. They hadn’t been able to line up a speaker for this one, so we had an Advent prayer service instead. For the reflection portion, one of the spiritual directors on the last Women’s team got up and spoke about Advent. She read a brief passage from a book by Henri Nouwen, one of my all-time favorite authors, about waiting. What really struck me was the question she gave us to discuss when we broke into small groups: what steps can I take to wait joyfully and hopefully for the coming of the Lord?
     The question contained a piece of advice I know God’s called me to over and over again: wait joyfully and hopefully. I’m not someone who likes to wait. Most people aren’t. I was telling my group reunion that while I was waiting for a child to change out of wet clothes into clean ones, I tried to imagine what Mary would do if Jesus were taking such a long time changing clothes. My friend blurted out: “Jesus, put your pants on!” We all cracked up.
     In later weeks when I found myself in the same situation, waiting for in excess of half an hour or more for a child to change out of the clothes they’d gotten dirty into clean dry ones, I thought about my friend’s comment and could laugh rather than lamenting that I had to stand there and step by step instruct the child on what to do.
     Oftentimes, prayer, reading, and humor are what help me wait joyfully and peacefully for something or someone. I pray throughout the day, always have my Rosary and a couple prayer books with me, and whatever spiritual book I’m in the process of devouring. My husband, family, friends, co-workers, and the kids I work with often help supply the humor that keeps me going while waiting for people, solutions to problems, and answers to prayers.
     Lord, thank You for the gifts of prayer and laughter which can help us wait joyfully and hopefully for Your coming. Amen.