Sunday, May 31, 2015

The Not-So-Smooth Operator

From Friday evening May 15 until the afternoon of May 17, Kevin and I were on a retreat with our Spiritual Direction Institute (SDI) class.  As misfortune seems my lot, the afternoon we were supposed to leave I was suddenly hit with a powerful wave of fatigue and a desire to crawl into bed and sleep the whole weekend with our place all to myself.

This was the first red flag something was amiss.  I’d been looking forward to this particular retreat for a while.  A friend had told me this was one of the weekends she enjoyed the most.

Kevin and I both had trouble sleeping that night.  By the time we had to get up, my throat was really sore and my lymph nodes were swollen.  Not cool.  Luckily I had brought my own box of Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea and some raw honey, so I made it through with several cups of tea and glasses of water. 

By Sunday evening when we got home, I wanted some time alone to process and unwind.  We had minimal groceries, so I made myself a smoothie before retreating to the bedroom for some much needed solitary confinement.  Trying to be somewhat health conscious, I put spinach in my smoothie.  I put more in than was needed and added ice, so the color and taste were weird.  Ah well, it’s cold and my throat is very sore. 

I set my gigantic cup of smoothie on the nightstand next to the bed.  It was still light out, so I figured I’d open the blinds and let some sunlight in.  The next thing I know, gross green smoothie has splattered all over the place.  This is not the first time I’ve had bad luck with these blinds.  They are not of the highest quality or the sturdiest construction, so I wasn’t terribly surprised they came crashing down.  My dismay came from realizing that the blinds had come off of the window, crashed into my cup of smoothie, and fallen to the floor, leaving a splattering of green the likes of which I have never seen before, certainly not in our bedroom. 

Kevin heard the crash and came running. 

Kevin went to get paper towels to sop up the green goop.  We’d run out.  He brought in some blue cloth-like towels you’d use on your car. (He refers to them as shop towels.) 
“Do you have enough stuff to make another one?” he asked.  I glared at him certain he had to be joking.  Turns out, he wasn’t. 

“No, I don’t, but I don’t care about that,” I told him, appraising the scene before me.  In one fell swoop, I had turned what was supposed to be a relaxing evening of recuperating into a blind-breaking, plastic smoothie cup flying spectacle.  I just wanted some time alone to rest, but it was not meant to be.  I had inadvertently seen to that.   

Kevin was furious.  I told him to go into the other room.  I’d clean up my mess.  I was already upset with myself enough for both of us. 

He went back to watching TV, one of his preferred methods of unwinding, while I proceeded to mop up the green stuff with an assortment of linens that already needed to be washed, the blue kind of paper towels, and various articles of clothing I’d put in a bag to give to Goodwill.  Once I had gotten up the puddle on the floor by the bed, on the nightstand, behind the nightstand, under the nightstand, and on the windowsill, I stripped the bed, wiped down the mattress cover, and put the soggy sheets in a plastic bag to take down four floors to the basement of our building where the washer and dryer are.  That seems like it would be said in a whining voice because it was.

Before I did that, though, I figured I should probably use some Clorox wipes to get the green splotches off of the walls.  My efforts met with moderate success, but as long as some attempt had been made, I didn’t care.  There are still green dots on the outside and inside of the lampshade on my side of the bed.  I was too tired to bother trying to clean them off that evening or since.  Aren’t we supposed to have frequent reminders of our need for humility and our uncanny ability for humiliation? 

Since I wasn’t feeling that great and my luck was crack-a-lacking, I came out and asked Kevin to hold me steady as I stood on the aforementioned nightstand so I could scrub spots off of the ceiling.  Yes, this was a free range smoothie once hit with malfunctioning blinds.  Not only did it end up all over our bed, nearby clothes, furniture, and walls, but this debacle also required that I scrub the ceiling.  (We don’t do things halfway here at the Potter residence.)

For my next trick, I called and/or texted everyone on the sub list for several days in a row trying to get people to cover my shifts at school.  No, not because I was still cleaning up smoothie.  I’ve given up on those remains of the day.  I’d gone to the doctor about my sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, and was told I had a fever, but that I tested negative for strep.  I was prescribed a strong antibiotic just in case.  I felt pretty awful, but having to call and search all over creation for someone who could take my shifts was only making things worse. 

Over the long weekend, I still wasn’t feeling great, so I ended up missing Mass on Pentecost as well as the birthday party for our Goddaughters who turned three.  Kevin reinjured his foot and was in so much pain the store manager sent him home early. 

Truthfully, seeing so many photos on Facebook of happy people at the beach, having barbecues, at graduation parties, wedding receptions, having fun in the backyard, on exotic vacations…slews of individuals and families thoroughly enjoying their Memorial Day weekends made me green with envy  (a prettier shade than is on our lampshade from the smoothie incident).

God has had mercy on us.  This weekend has been much better all around.  We've gotten to spend quality time with family and friends, enjoy a yummy cook-out, hang with some of our favorite little people, go to Mass together.  I even successfully made a smoothie with some spinach in it, but way more fruit that tasted delicious and didn't end up anywhere it shouldn't have.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Glory Bee to God (for Michele Morris)

My dearest Christ sister,
best glory bee friend,
I know it’s so tempting
to ask for an end
to the questioning,
pleading, and pining.
You’ll soon find out what’s next,
But God’s Will’s not confining
and won’t always come in a text.

You’ll be sure to hear the call,
Whoever your priest is.
Your heart has no wall;
You know where the feast is. 

Divine love is your calling.
It pulls you each day.
Take courage you’re still falling
In step with His way.

Don’t lose your great spunk
Or let go of your pep.
He’ll lift you out of this funk
When the time’s made known
To take another step
The place and plans will be shown.

Running into crosses in cloisters
He’s seen you, He loves you,
and He knows your soul’s boisterous,
Wanting ever some new clue
As to what your next choice is.

Remember: this is only one chapter;
There’s much more to your story. 
Worry will only zap up
some much-needed strength.
With God’s desire in your heart’s cup
Don’t fret or become upset.
He speaks to you always,
Sometimes at great length. 
You’ll ne’er be apart
From the right focal point of
His everlasting, unconditional love
Which always reaches you from above. 

As beautiful as the bridal shower
Thrown for you freely
at a most unexpected hour,
The Holy Ghost,
Always the perfect host,
Requires your presence
At the eternal feast.
He knows the true essence
of all that you are,
whether billed as a sister,
or hailed as a star.

You’ve found the best fellow
To court you and tame you,
And, if need be,
It’s true, He can also rename you
Something nice, perhaps mellow
That fits you to a T.
Don’t believe me,
But trust Him,
The best’s yet to bee. 

He guides you and leads
Anywhere you must trod.
Jesus always feeds
Those committed to God.

Your passion for learning
Plays out with discerning
The right community
With the best balance
Of pleasure and strife
Where a higher unity
Will define your whole life. 

With a joyful, light humor
You’ll meet this next challenge
Whether trimming tree branches
or pondering the chances
Of how likely a moose’s advance is. 

Girl’s day out was another lovely blessing,
One better than planned
if in all truth confessing. 
With a second-hand purple dress
And some sturdy new shoes.
You merrily twirled
Getting ready to take on
the big wide world.

I must say I’ve not felt too concerned
Or particularly troubled
About your discernment
Though the stakes seem to have doubled.
Anxiety’s always a tricky allurement
At this brand new juncture.

Others may think your hands have been tied,
But we both know God’s been on your side.
Your hand hasn’t already been played.
You traveled clear across our great nation
you groveled and pondered, unsure of your station,
but each time you have prayed,
it has lifted up all of human creation. 

The days seem so long
when we start to cower.
It’s true we get lost
in search for that tower
From whence we’ll see everything
And can finally make sense
Of the things we have suffered
With grace, recompense. 

Your spirit is as vibrant as ever, my friend.
We know not the hour or the day life will end.
Rest assured of my love for you,
An abundance of prayers
Offered up each day that is new.
We all have many layers,
complex like homemade sauces.
Ingredients take time to simmer,
But we know who the Boss is.
There’s always a glimmer of Hope
In God’s Heavenly kitchen.

Note to Reader: I wrote and sent this along with a letter to Michele earlier this week.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Michele Morris Update and Prayer Request

Michele Morris is doing fine, but she is very much back in the throes of discernment and would appreciate any love, intercessions, etc. you'd be willing to send her way. I have full confidence God will lead her where He needs her and knows she will most glorify Him next (because He's always done so in the past, sometimes in miraculous ways), but she wrote in her most recent letter to me that some extra prayers right now would be "a great source of comfort and encouragement." Michele doesn't have internet access, but she can write and receive letters at least for the rest of the month of May. Here's the address: 
Michele Morris 
c/o Queen of Angels Priory
5813 W St. Martha's Ln.
Hulbert, OK 74441

Last week I finally resent the Glory Bee to God sign I'd made to her in a package along with a belated Easter card, a cute little journal I found I think she'll like (it's bright green and has a bumblebee and flowers on it) and two books I loved and think she'll really enjoy: I Believe in Love by Jean C. J. d'ElbĂ©e and In God's Womb: A Spiritual Memoir by Edwina Gately, and my usual epic-length letter. Hopefully this time she'll actually get the package. I got it back when I first sent it to Washington state when she was living with the hermits there.  I'm still not sure why it returned with an insufficient address stamp on it. If at first you don't succeed, try again. 

Please pray for Michele! Thanks, everyone!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

A Mother's Heart

I love this post called The Wide Spectrum of Mothering (by a non-mother who blogs).  I feel all women will be uplifted to read this.  

Over Mother's Day weekend, I had a number of glimpses and reminders of what constitutes a mother's heart.  Here are some of them:    

Last Friday night at the Ultreya, we greeted a couple who lost their only son to suicide.  That particular parish is a bit of a hike, but I knew it would be worth the trip if only I could give the young man’s mom a huge hug and tell her in person that I’ve been praying for her and her husband.  The two of them have continued their ministry to youth, and they are such models of love, strength, courage, and compassion.  My heart aches, there are no words, only prayers.   

The woman who gave the witness talk spoke about the conversion of her grandson who came to live with them for a brief period of time.  She thought she and her husband would plant a seed of faith in him and hoped that it would grow.  Little did she know that he would be a catalyst for her to reconnect with Christ through daily prayer and meditation.  

A dear friend who made her Cursillo weekend with me was in attendance.  During the prayer intentions she prayed for her sister who died of breast cancer thirteen years ago last week and asked us to lift up another strong woman of faith, Cursillista, and a mutual friend who has been hard at work in our diocese for years and is now facing a serious battle against breast cancer.  My heart aches, there are no words, only prayers. 

I think of a Mother’s Day not too long ago when Kevin and I were at dinner with the family friends who have adopted us into their clan.  When someone came and handed each of the women at the table a rose, Kay Marie and I hesitated to accept ours.  Kay Marie has been the spiritual mother and grandmother to countless children through the years she and her husband led the Rachel’s Vineyard Ministry in our area and in their involvement in 40 Days for Life.  Not long after I got to know her, I came to consider her one of my “other mothers.”  Because she didn’t give birth to or legally adopt any children, she didn’t really consider herself to be a mom.  I can’t think of many people as loving, tender, gentle, caring, kind, and selfless as she was.  She certainly had a mother’s heart. 

I think of “my two little guys,” the ones for whom I nannied for the first couple years of their lives soon after Kevin and I tied the knot.  They’re in elementary school now.  I’m not sure if they even remember me, but I will always have a special place for them in my heart.  Memories of their smiles, laughter, and triumphs, right alongside their booboos, blowouts, and brawls still surface regularly. 

The joy on my mom’s face when she’s holding her grandson, watching him play, telling stories about his latest adventures has no parallel to anything in my life.  The joy in Kevin’s eyes as one of the three silly sisters who is particularly fond of him leaps into his arms and whispers in his ear that he’s her best friend.  My heart aches, there are no words, only prayers that my loved ones will experience moments of joy and love far beyond what I can give them. 
The most beautiful gifts and blessings are people.  I have not brought life into this world, but I have celebrated and rejoiced over the lives of others.  I have not given birth, but I have changed many diapers, dried many tears, and treasured the precious moments, hours, days, and years when I’ve held and loved each little baby, toddler, young person God’s placed in my arms.  
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