The Solemnity of Mary, Queen of Peace, Mother of God

I’ve had a very strong devotion to the Blessed Mother for a number of years. I know the Lord has used her example and intercession to help me grow closer to God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Mary was willing to do what God calls us each to do: put Him before everyone and everything else now and always.
 
When she was asked to be the Mother of Christ, she didn’t say something to the effect of: “I don’t know (or flat-out no), it wouldn’t be good for my reputation or my family if I became pregnant before living with my betrothed. Actually, since I would likely be stoned to death since that’s the punishment for a woman who becomes pregnant out of wedlock, I think I’ll pass.”
  
She asked how this would come to pass and is told: “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you” (Luke 1:34-35). Instead of fretting over what her parents would think, what Joseph would say, what her friends might start whispering behind her back, Mary had the grace and trust in the Lord to respond with: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38).

What a wonderful example Mary was of being open to the Lord’s grace and willing to serve Him in whatever ways He calls us to be vessels, holy tabernacles for the Holy Spirit! There have been countless times when I’ve prayed to know God’s will and have the courage to carry it out, but at the same time, I’ve had a million things come to mind about what might happen in terms of adversity, struggle, pain, or suffering, if I submit to the Lord completely in mind, body, and spirit. I know doing so means He’ll likely bring about some major changes in and around me that will bring me closer to Him. Some of the Divine Pruning will be quite painful, though, absolutely necessary.
  
“Mary said, ‘My soul magnifies the Lord. My spirit rejoices in God my Savior’” (Luke 1:46-47. These two statements seem to sum up what every person is called to do: be a tabernacle which reflects and projects the Lord and rejoice in the God who saves us.
  
Lord, thank You for the gift of Your Son Jesus and the Blessed Mother of God, who always point others to You. Please help us be open to whatever is necessary for us to become holier tabernacles for You. Plant Your will in our hearts and make it our deepest desire and most fervent longing. Amen.

A New Take on New Year's

     A super-speeded up balloon drop, noisemakers, crowns made of Happy New Year’s garland, international music, dancing, French toast, sausage biscuits, and sparkling grape juice were all elements of our New Year’s party yesterday afternoon. The kids had fun and, truth be told, so did the adults present.
     None of the kids moped around talking about what a rough year it had been or making promises to lose weight, gain muscle, finish that project at home, or exercise more in 2011. Their conversation was light and often amusing. I couldn’t resist jotting down a few of the comments I overheard come out of the mouths of babes:

Going with or without at Christmas

 

This Year Our Christmas Came Without

It came without picking out the live family tree,
decorating homemade sugar cookies,
sending out a single Christmas card.

It came without setting out the family’s nativity,
listening to Christmas carols while
watching the colored lights on the tree.

It came without candles burning while sipping tea,
evenings of jingle bell laughter, singing, spinning and dance,
watching all of our favorite Christmas movies in advance.

It came without stressing over buying a long list of gifts,
going to our usual Christmas shows,
lots of parties to go to given by friends.

There were a number of extenuating circumstances which kept Kevin and me from participating in our usual Advent and Christmas traditions this year.
    
Fortunately, we made it to my mom’s for hors d’oeuvres by the tree and each opening one gift on Christmas Eve.  Mom made the customary assortment of finger foods including: chips, a veggie tray with dip, cocktail wieners, crackers and cheese, shrimp cocktail, and her famous homemade chicken tenders. We got a chance to catch up with my mom, sisters, and brother-in-law while enjoying food and listening to Christmas music around the brightly decorated tree.
    
We returned to Mom’s house in the morning by 8:15 to open presents as a family. Even though we’re all 19 and older now, my sisters insist we get there relatively early to open gifts. It’s kind of cute that even now my one sister still gets so excited about opening presents Christmas morning that she can’t sleep the night before.
    
Kevin and I went to Mass on our own. The gift of the God’s only Son, Mass, the Eucharist, and the love of my husband and family made this Christmas even though there were many things and activities it came without this year.
    
Things didn’t quite turn out the way Mary and Joseph had envisioned leading up to, on, and beyond Christ’s birth, but love prevailed and the Lord’s Will was done. God was, is, and always shall be with us, in us, and working through us. Amen.

The Christmas Play Spectacular

    
On Saturday afternoon, Kevin and I went to a play at Little Sisters of the Poor written and directed by Sister Joseph Marie. The play showed the remarkable parallels between the first Christmas and the initial promptings of the Holy Spirit in guiding foundress Saint Jeanne Jugan to start the Congregation of Little Sisters of the Poor.
   
The stage settings, designed by Nhan Duong, were very nicely done. There were a three-month-old infant, several children, and young teens in the cast along with the usual assortment of elderly residents.
    
I found it to be a sort of poetic justice to be sitting at Little Sisters holding hands with my husband

and watching my grandmother in this play focused on two women saying yes to God: the Blessed Mother and Jeanne Jugan. Ten years earlier I had walked into Little Sisters of the Poor to visit a resident who I met while volunteering there in high school and noticed a painting on the wall. It’s of a sailor asking Jeanne Jugan for her hand in marriage, and Jeanne telling him that God wants her for Himself.    
    
At that time, I had already fallen in love with Kevin, but I was in the midst of a period of discernment about what God wanted my life-long vocation to be. I burst into tears at the mere suggestion that it was indeed God’s will that I become a consecrated religious instead of marrying Kevin, but even then the Lord had given me the grace to want His will more than anything else. I kept praying and waiting for more clarity.

    
The play was a great reminder of several miracles that have occurred: a young woman conceived without sin, an unwed woman saying let it be done unto me even knowing the punishment for such a pregnancy could result in her being killed, a man having a dream to take his wife who was carrying the Savior in her womb, and giving birth to him in the humblest of surroundings.

    
Not only that, but I also made it through a very difficult period of discernment certain that God’s will was then (and is now) for me to keep Him first and foremost while loving Kevin as my husband. We’ve now been married for over six years. My grandma had a miraculous recovery a couple years back and has made it to her 87th Christmas.

    

She did a fine job playing the role of one of the benefactors who donated to Jeanne Jugan. I couldn’t help but laugh when grandma made a comment about having been “roped into being in the play last minute.” She had one line, put one apple in Jeanne’s basket, and was asked to wear an animal print hat as her costume but otherwise had on her regular clothes and got to sit there and watch the rest of the play in a front row seat. Gotta love Grandma, and I do!

    
Lord, thank You for the gift of Your Son, the Blessed Mother, my grandmother, Mom, husband, and the many people who have helped me grow closer to You over the years. Amen.

Love Them Anyway

"What do you do when the person talks and talks and talks, and you listen and listen and listen - but they never change? How do you respond when a person says they want help, but refuses to make any headway on practical suggestions? What do you do when they continue on a destructive path, unwilling to take help offered or listen to suggestions? Where does the biblical model for correction come into play (2 Timothy 2:23-26; Matthew 18:15-20)?"

Note: the above questions were presented in an Anonymous comment on my A Snow Angel to the Rescue & Related Life Lessons post, and the below response is my answer.

This is a loaded set of questions. One response is that if you are really listening to a person, chances are that your compassion and love for him or her will grow, as will your ability to see the Lord working in and through the individual, even if the things you see as being wrong don’t change. God’s grace works in amazing ways and at times we don’t expect. It’s surprising to find out how much we affect others by being honest, seeking the Lord, and wanting more than anything else to do His will. A seemingly simple gesture can and does speak volumes.
    
I spent a number of years upset and frustrated about the things I saw people around me doing. I was often far too arrogant to see in myself the pride and self-centeredness which kept me from loving others as they wanted and needed to be loved. I now know that if someone or something is really bothering me, then it is often because there is a part of me that needs to change. Somewhere in me I’m holding on to some level of pride or self-righteousness, hurt, or insecurity that needs to be rooted out before I can be the vessel of love, healing, and Truth God calls us each to be.
    
Sometimes it takes years to soften a heart to forgive when it has been deeply hurt. God never stops working on any of us. The people in each person’s life who are most open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, most honest and upfront about their own faults and struggles, and, therefore, most loving, compassionate, kind, and gentle with others are often those who have the greatest influence and impact in people’s lives.
    
Of course there comes a time when you need to decide if you love the person enough to maintain some sort of relationship with them, even if they continue to make choices of which you disapprove. If your love for them is strong enough and truly Christ-like, then it will win out over your desire to change them in ways they might not be ready for, open to, or ways that might not even be in-line with the particular call they have received from the Lord.
    
So often when I’ve felt that I just had to step in and tell someone else how they were messing up, I discovered the aspects of my life and personality which ought to be amended in similar ways. In some cases it’s been years later that God’s given me a deeper insight about a past experience that allows me to see someone more through the light of God’s unconditional love than I’d ever been able to before. I realize my heart and thinking needed to change.
    
Personally, when faced with this type of experience while remaining focused on the Lord: I increase my efforts many times over in praying for the person. I am more willing to undergo any correction or suffering the Lord reveals is necessary to purify me so that I might be a better vessel for His love and more open to the Holy Spirit when, how, and if the Lord wishes to use me in bringing about that person’s healing and deeper conversion.
    
There have been several times in my life where this sort of humbling has been necessary before I was in a place of submission to the Lord’s will that made me open enough to do anything and everything that He asked of me to help heal the person who I thought so desperately needed to change. Many times it was through showing me the areas of pride and deceit, weakness and/or fear in me that needed to be addressed before I could be in a position spiritually and emotionally to inspire someone else to grow closer to the Lord.
   
One of the biggest examples of loving people where they are, praying for them to grow closer to God, and being open to how I needed to change for this to happen in my life has been when I became best friends with and started dating the man who is now my husband. How very humbling it has been that I have learned so much about God’s love through him and other people who I once was so sure needed to change in so many ways.
    
One catch-phrase that comes to mind is that: “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” As is most likely the case with everyone, I have people in my life who have made choices I am morally, ethically, and/or spiritually opposed to, but that doesn’t mean that I stop loving those people. I might need to put some distance between us if I’m not in a place either emotionally or spiritually where I can spend time with them without being critical or judgmental.
    
Only if I have made it abundantly clear through my words, actions, and prayers that I genuinely love and care about people have I found that they are likely to be open to suggestions I might have about certain aspects of their lives. That doesn’t mean they will take them. That’s another important juncture when it’s time to make a decision I’ve found is best done through prayerful discernment.

Sometimes God intends for us to be a positive influence in people’s lives who will draw them closer to Him. Other times our approach comes from a place of pride and judgment, instead of love and genuine concern, so our intervention of sorts isn’t likely to be well-received and could end up doing more harm than good.
    
God is love, and all who dwell in love, dwell in God.

A Snow Angel to the Rescue & Related Life Lessons

“Don’t worry! I’m a professional snow technician!” the man in the movie theater parking lot announced to us when our car got stuck in the snow.
   
I smiled, grateful that someone with such a confident, positive attitude had come forward to help us out of our predicament. My dad was frustrated that he’d gotten the car stuck. Being from upstate New York, he was very used to driving in snow. He was also used to living in a state where they own and operate many snow plows to clear roads and parking lots in a timely manner.
   
The kind gentleman stood behind our car and helped us by pushing when we rocked it forward to get out of the little ditch.
   
When we finally got out, I turned around to wave and say thanks.
  
I was reminded of this recently not just because we got some snow and are getting even more today, but also because it’s been on my mind what varied approaches people have when they see someone struggling.
   
Working with children as well as adults, there have been countless times when I’ve seen people having a hard time with something. Whether it’s tying their shoes, lamenting booboos, meeting a tight deadline, or walking a fine line, others often notice when someone is having a tough time of it.
   
Depending on the situation and personalities, the potential helper takes different approaches. Some kids will come up and in a loud voice tell their classmate what he or she is doing wrong. This often results in a fight, hurt feelings, and at the very least, a rumble in the classroom jungle. Others will do the task for their classmates instead of helping them do it themselves, which gives them two messages: I can do this and you can’t.
   
The best scenario happens when a teacher or another student comes over and asks if the person would like help. If and when he or she says yes, the person gives instructions about how something is done, demonstrating it if necessary. Asking first shows respect to the individual, who may very well want to get the stupid double knot out of his own light-up Superman shoes this time.
   
We do a great disservice when we step in assuming our assistance will be necessary and welcomed. We run roughshod over people if we criticize them instead of pointing out in a positive way what could be done differently, then offering to help.
   
There will always be situations in life in which we’ll see people struggling with someone or something. We may think we know the best solution to a problem (and sometimes we do), but we are frequently the most help when we ask questions, listen, and respect the person’s decisions even if we don’t understand or agree with them.
   
I know when I’ve struggled with something, I’m most receptive to the people who ask questions, listen, and show through their words and actions that they genuinely care about me.
   
I tend to be on the defensive if things start out with someone telling me all the things they believe I’m doing wrong. Far too many times in my life, that’s how I’ve begun talking to someone I think should be doing something differently. The result has often been an argument.
   
What I guess you could call the careless cowboy approach has never gone as well as those times when I ask questions and listen first instead of making snap judgments and unfair, often inaccurate, assumptions.
   
Lord, please give me the wisdom to be a compassionate, loving, gentle presence to others, especially when they are struggling. Amen.

The Fulfillment of All Desire

I would definitely put this on the list of the top ten books all Catholics should read! After having read many of the biographies and other books from which Ralph Martin takes lengthy excerpts, I got a lot from reading The Fulfillment of All Desire. It is a very well-written body of work that contains a beautiful synthesis of the spiritual wisdom from seven remarkable saints. Through an involved look at the different levels of spiritual growth leading to marital union with the Lord, Martin gives the reader valuable insights from the writings of seven doctors of the church: Augustine, Bernard of Clairvaux, Catherine of Siena, Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Francis de Sales, and Thérèse of Lisieux.
   
Whether someone’s interested in reading the major teachings of some well-known saints for the first time or would like to refresh the memory of what he or she has read over the years, this book is a good choice. I found it very helpful to have so many of the parallels drawn between the various works and teachings of these saints. In addition to giving an overview of the lives of each of these saints, the author provides us with deep insights about the spiritual enlightenment and growth each of these individuals underwent. By guiding the reader through how each of the above-mentioned saints dealt with sin, prayer, temptation, spiritual growth, suffering, purification, and a growing love for the Lord and His people, we see many similarities. Of course, each person exhibits a firmer resolve in doing the Lord’s will even as they go through quite a bit of suffering in mind, body, and spirit.
    
All of them through their lives, examples, and writing show how important the purification part of growing closer to God is. Each of the seven was challenged again and again to let go of pride and their own wills, so the Lord could be free to work in and through them. Martin does a terrific job of letting each person’s unique personality and temperament shine through by selecting excerpts from their works instead of just paraphrasing the main ideas. This makes the book seem much more like a compilation of wisdom directly from the saints than a watered-down attempt at synthesizing the various books they’ve produced about their lives.
    
I highly recommend this book. There are quite a few gems, so you’ll likely want to take your time with it, refer back to it as a reference, and pick out your wish list titles from among the many works cited throughout the book.
    
You can purchase this book here.  I wrote this review of The Fulfillment of All Desire for the Tiber River Blogger Review program.  Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases. I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.

The Fulfillment of All Desire Study Guide

There is a wealth of material covered in the tome called The Fulfillment of All Desire, so the Study Guide is a very useful tool to get the most out of this book. There is a summary of each chapter followed by a list of Questions for Comprehension. Since Ralph Martin uses such a variety of sources and covers such topics as heaven, hell, temptation, sin, suffering, purification, as well as the main biographical information about these seven doctors of the Church, it is helpful to have questions to help the reader pick out the focal points.

I really like that there are Questions for Reflection included for each chapter as well. These are deep, thought-provoking jumping off points for meditation, journaling, spiritual direction…which provide great opportunities to see how relevant these subjects are to our own lives and spiritual growth. It’s also helpful that the main facts about each of the seven saints’ lives are listed in the study guide for quick reference.     
This study guide would make this a wonderful book club pick, if those in the group are avid readers, and/or plan to meet a number of times to discuss the contents, the implications they have in our lives today, and what each topic has stirred up in individual readers.
    
A list of key terms is given at the end of each chapter of the study guide which allow the reader to remember quickly what keywords belong with which saint. The glossary at the back of the book has definitions of all of these terms.
   
 Reading this book along with the study guide will greatly enhance what is gleaned from these wise followers of Christ and help us to apply what they learned to our own lives as we strive to grow in holiness and approach a more intimate relationship with the Lord.
    
This review was written as part of the Catholic book reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on The Fulfillment of All Desire Study Guide and be sure to check out their great selection of baptism gifts while you are there.

Waiting Joyfully and Hopefully

     Yesterday Kevin and I were running from one thing to the next from 3:30 until 7:30pm. Our first activity ran really late, so we stopped for dinner and missed the beginning of the Advent concert at our church. We slipped in, got to hear several songs sung by kids, teens, and adults, then we slipped back out before the final song, so we could drive to another church where the Cursillo Ultreya was being held.
     Usually, someone gives a witness talk at each Ultreya. I gave one at the last one which was held November 19 in Farmville. They hadn’t been able to line up a speaker for this one, so we had an Advent prayer service instead. For the reflection portion, one of the spiritual directors on the last Women’s team got up and spoke about Advent. She read a brief passage from a book by Henri Nouwen, one of my all-time favorite authors, about waiting. What really struck me was the question she gave us to discuss when we broke into small groups: what steps can I take to wait joyfully and hopefully for the coming of the Lord?
     The question contained a piece of advice I know God’s called me to over and over again: wait joyfully and hopefully. I’m not someone who likes to wait. Most people aren’t. I was telling my group reunion that while I was waiting for a child to change out of wet clothes into clean ones, I tried to imagine what Mary would do if Jesus were taking such a long time changing clothes. My friend blurted out: “Jesus, put your pants on!” We all cracked up.
     In later weeks when I found myself in the same situation, waiting for in excess of half an hour or more for a child to change out of the clothes they’d gotten dirty into clean dry ones, I thought about my friend’s comment and could laugh rather than lamenting that I had to stand there and step by step instruct the child on what to do.
     Oftentimes, prayer, reading, and humor are what help me wait joyfully and peacefully for something or someone. I pray throughout the day, always have my Rosary and a couple prayer books with me, and whatever spiritual book I’m in the process of devouring. My husband, family, friends, co-workers, and the kids I work with often help supply the humor that keeps me going while waiting for people, solutions to problems, and answers to prayers.
     Lord, thank You for the gifts of prayer and laughter which can help us wait joyfully and hopefully for Your coming. Amen.

Road of Hope

The first time I remember reading about this remarkable man was in a book called A Priest Forever: Nine Signs of Renewal and Hope by Alfred McBride, O. PREAM. I still find it astonishing how this priest lived a life of such profound faith, real hope, and genuine joy in the midst of tremendous suffering. A brother in Christ I had loaned the book to was equally inspired by the mention of this man’s dedication to the Eucharist and Christ, so he got a copy of the DVD entitled Road of Hope: The Spiritual Journey of Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan.
    
My husband and I watched the documentary last evening and are still letting the magnitude of grace, perseverance, holiness, joy, and hope Cardinal Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan exuded settle in. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for him to be locked in a prison camp in Vietnam for thirteen years, nine of which he spent in solitary confinement.  For days, weeks, sometimes months, he lived in complete darkness. The only personal possession he had when taken to the prison was a Rosary.     

He had prayed that if there was no more work that he could do for the Church that the Lord make his sacrifice complete by taking his life while he was in prison, but that if there was more work he could do to glorify God through serving the Church then he wanted to live long enough to do whatever that would be. At one point his tuberculosis had gotten so bad, they were going to do surgery to remove the largely infected area in one of his lungs. He was on the table prepped for surgery, when everything was stopped so another x-ray could be taken. This x-ray showed that his lungs were both perfectly fine. Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan attributed his miraculous healing to the intercession of the Blessed Mother.
    
God had much more to do in and through this man to bring others closer to Him, to shepherd Christ’s flock, and be an inspiration to Catholics all over the world. His life journey is well-documented. The DVD includes interviews with Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan, his sister, footage of his parents, clips of him when he worked at the Vatican, and it chronicles some of the most challenging periods of suffering in his life.
    
He modeled the true love and forgiveness of Christ, thereby converting many. I wouldn’t recommend showing such graphic images of suffering and poverty to children, however, teens and adults will definitely be given a clear picture of what it means to say yes to God no matter what. I don’t see how you could fail to be spellbound by this man’s unfailing commitment to living joyfully and hopefully for God in the face of unimaginable suffering.
    
You can purchase this DVD here.
    
I wrote this review of Road of Hope for the Tiber River Blogger Review program.  Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.  I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.

Thinking about Nana, Grieving the Loss of Loved Ones, and Pieces of Memories That Remain

Ever since my dad passed away August 10, 2009, I’ve thought more about my nana, his mom, who was one of my favorite people in the world. Recently, the smell of sweet perfume mingled with the scent of cigarette smoke reminded me very strongly of Nana. I was holding a precious little one which made me recall the month before she passed away. My youngest sister Theresa was born that Halloween, and Nana came to stay with us that Christmas and New Year’s.

  
On New Year’s Eve, Dad, Nana, and I stayed up to watch the movie Home Alone. My dad and I had seen it a number of times, but it was my nana’s first time watching it. I’m not sure if my dad laughed harder at the movie or at my Nana’s laughing at the movie. She had quite a unique laugh, no doubt, in part from years of smoking. It sounded a bit like the dog Mutley’s laugh from the Yogi Bear cartoons. The three of us had a lot of fun! I would have cherished that time even more had I known that the next morning Nana would be rushed to the hospital, where she’d spend the last month of her life.

  
I remember going into the guestroom where Nana stayed and being able to smell the perfume she wore, Beautiful by Estee Lauder, still in the air. I bought some many years later because the scent always reminds me of her. She was quite a prim and proper lady. She would have her hair done, make-up on, jewelry, and everything. I was shocked one day when we were staying at her condo in Florida many years ago, and I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and found her dentures in a glass by the sink. I’d never once seen her without her teeth.

  
Though rather fragile and delicate in appearance in her later years, she was always stubborn and feisty about some things. Nana wanted her turn to pick up the tab when we all went out to dinner. I remember one time we were at Chili’s, one of our family’s favorite restaurants, when the waitress brought the check to the table; Nana and my dad both grabbed it. Then I knew where my dad and brothers had gotten their inclination to fight over the check. Nana was very upset that my dad wasn’t going to let her pay. She even threatened not to come visit us again if he wouldn’t let her take care of the bill. It looked like they were about to arm wrestle or something over it, so I plucked it out of their hands. I’m pretty sure I handed it to my dad, knowing that Nana wouldn’t be as upset with me and that she certainly wouldn’t make good on her threat not to visit us again.

 
One clear memory I have of her when she was in the hospital for the month of January pretty much summed up her feeling about doctors, especially young ones who were not all that well-versed in bedside manner. As soon as the young physician walked away, she stuck her tongue out at him. I laughed out loud to see her do something so uncharacteristic.
  
There are a number of things that bring to mind that period of time when Mom and I went to visit Nana in the evenings. Hearing certain Amy Grant songs, which we often listened to in the car at that time makes me think back to then. I’m sure it’s jogged my memory some when I’ve pulled into the St. Benedict’s parking lot to go to daily Mass. It was while I was cheering at one of the boys’ St. Mary’s basketball games in the Benedictine school gym that my dad and uncles came. I knew what had happened the moment they all walked in. I didn’t cry at all then.

  
I’d known days earlier that despite some optimistic thoughts and good signs, Nana wasn’t going to make it out of the hospital alive this time. The night I knew this for sure, I cried and cried and cried. The grief hit me full-force though she was still alive.

  
I went with my dad and his brothers to identify Nana’s body at Woody Funeral Home before she was cremated. (I’m sure my mom didn’t know at the time that I had gone. She likely would have objected since I was only eleven.) We each kissed her goodbye one last time.

  
I remembered this experience very clearly when Mom and I were at Woody funeral home signing all the paperwork and going in to see Dad one last time. When I kissed his cheek, I was absolutely certain that his spirit was no longer inside his body. He’d finally gotten to the point where he could let go of his body and move from this life to the next.

  
Lord, thank You for the love, faith, life lessons, and legacies left by the loved ones we’ve lost. Lead us to live, love, and believe as boldly as they did. Amen.

A Memorable, Movable Feast

Laura, Jeff, Me, Kevin, & John after a summer feast at Famous Dave's.

Creative, beautiful, heartwarming, classy, delicious, loving, and fun best describe everything from the handmade invitation to the homemade turkey and pies. Kevin and I had been looking forward to this event since last year. Laura and Jeff invited us over last November to have a Thanksgiving dinner at their place with some mutual friends.
   
We sent several messages beforehand back and forth over who was bringing what, but when the weekend arrived for our Saturday evening Thanksgiving feast, Laura and Jeff were both sick with the flu. Having already cooked the turkey and made lots of food, they postponed the meal until a later date. As luck would have it, we got a significant amount of snow that weekend, and no one was up for driving through it to get over there.
    
When I opened the hand-crafted invitation Laura sent this year, I had to laugh, wondering if the whole thing would come off without a hitch this time. It did! Last Saturday Kevin and I arrived with our green bean casserole and crescent rolls. Jeff came to greet us at the door of their building. Laura received us with open arms straight from cooking in the kitchen.
    
The table was set beautifully, looking very much like something you’d see in a magazine. It smelled like Thanksgiving. The turkey had just come out of the oven. The family recipe gravy was still on the stove thickening, which gave me an opportunity to help out. I stirred without stopping while Laura bustled around the kitchen taking care of different odds and ends. Jeff and Kevin sat in the living room and enjoyed some hors d’oeuvres while watching some of the football games on TV. Soon Laura’s dad Paul and his wife Lynn arrived.
    
Our friend John called and asked if they had whipped cream. They were a little confused and concerned by that question since he’d talked to them just that morning about bringing potatoes. I explained that he was also planning on picking up a chocolate fudge pie from Ukrop’s bakery because that was one of their family’s traditions. It all came together quite nicely.
    
Laura had even printed out sheets with our names on them and the lines of the prayer we were assigned. There were two paper leaves decorating the top of each paper. After each line of the prayer, we lit one of the tealight candles on the table.
    
The food was positively scrumptious! We had turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, corn pudding, two kinds of cranberry sauce, crescent rolls later followed by three kinds of pie: chocolate peanut butter which Jeff made, pumpkin grace à Laura, and the chocolate fudge John brought.
    
We had a great time talking and catching up. It had been quite some time since I’d seen and gotten the opportunity to talk with Paul and Lynn. The one thing that really stood out in my memory about Lynn was that she came over to my mom’s house when I was in high school to do a PartyLite Candle show. That evening there was a bad storm that ended up knocking the electricity out in the middle of the party. We all laughed, lit some more candles, and kept right on going.
   
Laura is someone I’ve known since we went to fifth grade together at St. Mary’s. We went to different high schools, but we were in the same Confirmation class taught by my mom our Junior year, and then we came back into each other’s lives when Kevin and I started going to St. Michael’s, where Laura is a cantor and Jeff serves as a lector.
    
When we finished eating, Laura, truly the ideal hostess, pulled out brand new Gladware containers for us to each make a to-go serving to take home. We spent several hours at the table long after we’d finished our coffee, tea, and pie, playing a very in-depth game of Apples to Apples. What a magnificent, fun-filled evening!
    
Lord, thank You for close friends who have become family, who are excited to see us, and invite us warmly into their homes for food, fellowship, and laughter! Amen.

Do You Have Enough Oil in Your Lamp?

     The Mass Readings they did at St. Joseph’s Little Sisters of the Poor yesterday were about a woman being dedicated to the service of the Lord, and the Gospel was about the brides who were waiting for the bridegroom to come. Some had enough oil and others didn’t have enough, and when they went to buy some more, the bridegroom came and the doors were closed. The bridegroom tells those who hadn’t had enough oil in their lamps that he didn’t know them when they returned and knocked.
     The priest’s homily made me wonder: do I have enough oil in my lamp to wait for Christ’s coming?

The 13th Day: The True Story of Fatima

The 13th Day: The True Story of Fatima is a beautiful, very moving rendition of Our Lady’s appearance to the three shepherd children Lucia, Francisco, and Jacinta in Fatima, Portugal. Mary appeared to them on the 13th day of each month from May to October 1917. Breathtaking countryside shots, a well-selected, very talented cast, and a captivating plot based on the true story of the Marian apparitions in Fatima make this an exceptional work. The courage and faith of these children’s witnesses in the face of so many adults who vehemently refuted what the three saw and experienced are portrayed exceptionally well in this film.
   
Though it’d been years since I’d read any books about the Fatima apparitions, much of what I’d read, heard, and gleaned from a variety of sources came back to me when watching this film. Plus, the dramatization of the story really drove home the incredible faith and grace these three children were given to stand firm and hold on to the Truth even when it meant they were abducted from their homes, thrown into prison, and threatened with death because they had the audacity to remain faithful to the Lord and Mary’s message.
    
The powerful intercession of Mary and her role as Mediatrix are clearly defined in this movie. State-of-the-art digital special effects are used to create the images described by the children, mainly in the memoirs of the oldest child Lucia Santos, and by the thousands of eye witnesses present on October 13, 1917 when the promised Miracle of the Sun occurred.
    
Even those who have read a number of books written on the Fatima apparitions and studied the prophetic messages that the Blessed Mother gave to these poor peasants I believe will enjoy and be pleased with how the story, setting, and people come across onscreen.
    
I highly recommend this film as being quite inspirational. It reminds us of God’s faithfulness, Mary’s power and tenderness, as well as Christ’s love in the midst of a culture of death, the experience of personal physical, emotional, and spiritual suffering, and the ongoing challenge of living out and proclaiming the Truth when challenged from all sides to stop doing so.
    
You can purchase this DVD here.
    
I wrote this review of The 13th Day for the Tiber River Blogger Review program.  Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases.  I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.

Today You Are with Me

     We can easily get caught up in the mess we’ve made of things in the past or the allusions of grandeur we predict for the future, but living in the present moment, being aware of Christ’s presence and being present to others is what Christ did and calls us to imitate.

     There are a number of children’s books in which the main character tries to get the attention, approval, and/or affection of his or her parents. Some of the antics are amusing and others mischievous. Often the stories end with a happily-ever-after scenario in which the mom or dad recognizes their child’s need for their undivided attention and gives them that quality time he or she has been craving.
     While in the midst of extreme physical, emotional, and/or spiritual pain, it can be hardest to believe and sense that Christ is with us right then and there. Sure, we can picture Jesus with us on the days when we’re acutely aware of His blessings in our lives. What about those days when we don’t feel His hand on our shoulders? What about the moments when we feel completely abandoned when we need Him most?
     The Lord tells us that even then He is with us. When our thoughts and/or feelings make it difficult to experience that we are always with God, He reminds us that He never leaves us. That doesn’t mean we won’t feel alone or sometimes test to see how close He really is when we cry out for help. Fortunately He remains faithful and is present regardless of how many doubts and questions assail us, regardless of how weak our faith is at times, or how sinful our nature.
     Oftentimes God will work through the people in our lives to show us His love, mercy, forgiveness, and be present to us. An amusing practice my sister started years ago serves as a wonderful reminder of this. When she was little my youngest sister Theresa would say bedtime prayers with my mom every night, then she’d ask my mom, “Are you going anywhere? Will you go to sleep after me?” She wanted to know that my mom would be just down the hall if she needed her. As an added measure, Theresa used to call out from her bedroom each night to my mom, “Love you, goodnight!” and wait for my mom to respond with “Love you, goodnight!” This exchange would often be repeated for several minutes, depending on how long it took Theresa to fall asleep, and how long my mom was willing to play the game that particular evening.
     We can grow in a deeper awareness that today we are with God. Unlike our parents and other loved ones, He never slumbers or sleeps. He’s never semi-conscious down the hall or out for the evening. He’s the Daddy, the Beloved Brother, the Best Friend, who wants us with Him wherever He goes. We often fear losing someone or something dear to us, but God’s presence and commitment to remain with us never changes. He is true to each of His children when He says, “Today, you are with Me.” 

Something Old Becomes Renewed

     Last weekend was a wonderful reminder that we never know how or when friends from long ago will come back into our lives. Kevin and I went to Charlottesville, Virginia, last weekend to be there for the wedding and surrounding festivities of a friend I first met when we were in fifth grade together at St. Mary’s School.
     It was funny when people at the informal gathering at her brother’s apartment on Friday evening asked how Meghan and I knew each other,

Healing Life's Hurts Through Theophostic Prayer

   I became interested in Theophostic Prayer when a friend of mine and her family who are Charismatic Catholics talked with me about it in the context of being a powerful method for healing. My friend shared with me the experience she had during her first Theophostic Prayer session, and I immediately wanted to hear more about the ministry which focuses on prayer as a means of mind renewal and experiential healing of lie-based beliefs with the Holy Spirit’s Truth.
     My friend’s father, who is a trained spiritual director and one of the leaders of our parish’s Charismatic Prayer Group, loaned me two books on the topic of Theophostic Prayer. The first book entitled Healing Life’s Hurts through Theophostic Prayer was written by the developer of this ministry, pastoral counselor Dr. Edward M. Smith. Theophostic is a word that comes from two Greek words Theos (God) and Phos (light). “These two words describe God illuminating a previously darkened area of one’s mind and thoughts with His truth. Theophostic Prayer Ministry is God’s true Light, the Spirit of Christ bringing divine truth experientially into one’s historical life experiences.” (pg. 10)      The thinking behind this method of prayer and healing is that oftentimes our present reactions and emotions to experiences also include those from our past, whether we’re conscious of it at the time or not. Because we have this emotional baggage from the past that we carry with us, we react to current events in our lives in certain ways. Dr. Smith has found that by identifying the earliest memory when the emotion or thought process first was experienced, that healing can come through prayer and inviting the Holy Spirit to come and heal the pain caused by the lies the person came to believe at that time by replacing them with His Infinite Truth.
     I find this idea quite intriguing. I have been acutely aware for years that many of my childhood experiences have heavily influenced my reaction to people, places, and circumstances in my present life. Though I can go back through what I thought and felt at the time and logically think through my current reactions and where they came from, why they don’t really make sense in the present situation, etc. I still held on to many of the lies I came to believe about God, myself, and others during those traumatic events. It makes sense that freedom and healing come when, through prayer, we open ourselves to having the lies we’ve believed replaced with the Truth that comes to us from the Holy Spirit.
     Far from being a one-time cure for all your problems, Dr. Smith emphasizes that Theophostic Prayer Ministry is a process that helps us to heal deep emotional pain throughout life. We will inevitably have people, situations, places, and events that will trigger our memories. The most troublesome emotions we experience can often be traced back to a particular memory in our lives when we first adopted what we can now identify as being a lie-based belief. Our behavior since that time reflects the belief is still deeply ingrained in us. Only through prayer, identifying the lies, and through God’s grace accepting the Truth that comes from the Holy Spirit are we likely to be healed on a level deep enough that the memory remains, but the raw pain it caused us and the lies we came to believe at the time are replaced.
     Since reading Healing Life’s Hurts Through Theophostic Prayer and experiencing my first Theophostic Prayer Session with ministers who were trained by Dr. Smith himself, I have become even more interested in studying and using this method of healing.

Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It

In the beginning of October, I unearthed while sorting and cleaning out stuff a book called Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins that I picked up from the giveaway pile at church when I was on team for a Christ Renews His Parish retreat in August. In the book the author, who is a novelist, biographer, Christian husband and father talks about planting and maintaining hedges. I definitely think many people would get a lot from this book. I learned quite a bit about things from the male perspective regarding the importance of “planting hedges” as he refers to it as a way of protecting your marriage.
    
Though he of course talks about how to plant hedges to stay far away from pornography and prostitution, most of what he writes about are the guidelines and hedges he’s found most helpful and necessary in male/female relationships between friends, co-workers, persons in ministry, etc., when either one person or both are married. He uses real life examples as well as Scriptural evidence for the points he makes and the suggested guidelines he gives. Some scenarios he’s taken from Christian counseling he and his wife have done for other friends and couples.     

I believe coming across this book, then unearthing it and reading it has provided some of God’s more concrete answers to my prayers that Kevin and I would come to have a more intimate relationship with God and with one another. It has also made a big difference in my discernment about whether or not it’s okay to be friends, siblings, spiritual companions with some of our close male friends.
    
Whenever praying about things before, I got that if God is first and Kevin comes before everyone and everything other than God, then all will be well. I’d been praying and asking for more specifics about healthy boundaries in my relationships.
    
I prefer to know the rules and guidelines so I’m at least a little less likely to screw up, upset people, and get hurt myself. This book included some concrete guidelines for male/female relationships outside of marriage along with in-depth explanations of why they’re important.
    
I read the book all the way through, first, then I read it aloud with Kevin and we completed the study guide included. Some of the topics or specifics related to them Kevin and I hadn’t really discussed before, so it proved to be a good jumping off point for discussions. Kevin really appreciated that I took the initiative to read this book and wanted to share it with him, discuss things openly, and come up with some hedges to help protect our marriage.
     
Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It is a wonderful, Scripture-based guide that married couples, ministers of any kind, and those who are single but have friends who are married can certainly benefit from reading.

All Saints, All Souls, All Loved Ones Gone on to Eternal Life

     With this past Monday being All Saints’ Day and Tuesday All Souls’ Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about the lives of the saints as well as those of the loved ones who have gone before us. At Mass on Monday evening, we heard about some of those in the communion of saints and were reminded that each and every one of us is called to become a saint, to become holy and sanctified in this life.

Prodigal Daughters: Catholic Women Come Home to the Church

Some of these women came from very devout Catholic families and drifted from the faith, as so many do, once they were out on their own at college or in the world without anyone checking to see if they were going to Mass, participating in the Sacraments, making time for personal prayer, and thereby growing in holiness and closeness to the Lord.
  
Many were disillusioned by the watered-down version of the Catholic faith they received growing up after Vatican II at a time when women’s rights and sexual freedom were being heavily promoted. In most cases, God worked through a friend, spouse, child, family member, and/or a clergyman to guide these prodigal daughters back to the loving Father, the Blessed Mother, and the True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist.  
  
The most prevalent reasons for these women to abandon their faith for a time were that they got caught up in sensual pleasures espoused by the sexual revolution and feminist movement, became focused on winning worldly success, embraced New Age thought and practices, and/or were disillusioned by religious men and women who made the mistake of adopting ideas from popular culture and passing them off as Church doctrine, though they were and are clearly against the Magisterium.
  
This book gives me hope for the many Catholics who have fallen away from the faith and may even condemn the Church and its teachings. These stories prove, yet again, that God doesn’t abandon His Children, not even when we turn our backs on Him. He remains faithful to us always. He is the loving, enthusiastic, warm father who welcomes us with open arms however and whenever we finally hear His call to return home.
  
One of the most poignant observations made by Archbishop Fulton Sheen which sums up this book so very well is that there are millions who hate what they think the Catholic Church is, but not a handful who hate the real thing.
  
Lord, thank You for loving us so much that You never give up on us. You are always inviting us home and rejoice when we finally accept Your invitation.
  
You can purchase this book here.
  
I wrote this review of Prodigal Daughters for the Tiber River Blogger Review program.  Tiber River is the first Catholic book review site, started in 2000 to help you make informed decisions about Catholic book purchases. I receive free product samples as compensation for writing reviews for Tiber River.